IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Technology have developed very fast in the past 100 years. However, some people think that technology progress has brought negative effect on humanity. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Many believe that scientific advancements brought many negative impacts on the human race. I agree with
this
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 notion.
This
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 essay will explain
this
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 phenomenon in detail with suitable examples and conclude with my own opinion. We have witnessed
a
Correct article usage
apply
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widespread growth in technology over the past 100 years. From office duty to daily household chores, machines have become an integral part of our daily life. It all started with the discovery of the steam engine which was the revolutionary step of mankind in the area of transportation. It opened the door of globalization which
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further
Add a missing verb
was further
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takeover
Correct your spelling
taken over
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 by the discovery of electricity and telecommunication. Electricity laid the foundation stone of the modern world in which every task can be performed with the little or complete assistance of
the
Correct article usage
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machines.
For instance
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, as per the survey conducted by Tesla
motors
Capitalize word
Motors
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, over the past 50 years, automation has taken over 20% of human jobs and it will increase drastically in the next few decades. As
matter
Correct article usage
a matter
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 of fact, every boon comes with a bane;
therefore
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, technology
also
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drew
Verb problem
has
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 many negative impacts on humanity.
Firstly
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 and topmost, today we are fighting for our existence with the most deadly enemy which is pollution caused by the engines which we have developed.
Additionally
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,
this
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 automation has made humans lazy or less physically active.
Due to
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this
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, the physical strength of
the
Correct article usage
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humans is on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 constant decline which invites many deadly diseases.
Moreover
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, the discovery of lethal devices,
such
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 as nuclear bombs, could jeopardize our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For example
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, in 1945, the USA detonated two cities
of
Change preposition
in
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japan
Capitalize word
Japan
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named
Verb problem
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Hiroshima and Nagasaki using nuclear bombs and it not only immediately killed several thousand people but
also
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 many still suffering
due to
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 the radiation impact.
Thus
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, I agree that technology has brought many negative impacts on humans.
To conclude
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,
although
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 I agree that science has made our life very easy
but
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we can't deny its negative impact on our ecosystem.

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coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and includes supporting details. It will help to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Use clear examples to show your points better. This will help the reader understand your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your views, like the effects of automation.
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