IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some countries are struggling with increases in crime rates. Some believe that having more police on the streets is best way to reduce and combat crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #increases #crime #rates #believe #police #streets #combat
Nowadays, many countries are grappling with the best way to curb the rising crime rates and some people suggest that the increased
police
 presence is the best option. While it is possible that the number of
criminals
 would be diminished by
this
 way for some reasons, I would argue that the optimal solution is to eliminate root causes through education.  It is undeniable that employing more
police
officers
 would have an adverse effect on offenders. As
criminals
 have a tendency to commit crimes in places with little supervision and protection, people who bypass these areas are prone to become victims of them.
Therefore
, if authorities placed more
police
officers
 everywhere, even in remote places to monitor and combat
criminals
,
this
 would lead to the loss of ideal environments for
criminals
 to do wicked things. For
this
 reason, individuals think that having more
police
officers
 is the most effective solution.
However
,
this
 method can only be suitable in the short term as a higher portion of funds is required to strengthen security forces, which
further
 adds to the current national budget in poor countries. There is growing evidence that the
principle
Correct your spelling
principal
show examples
 causes of crime are related to education indirectly and poverty more directly. Taking Japan, which is one of the safest countries in the world, as an example. Thanks to having a renowned educational system, which equips children with practical and employable skills, many Japanese graduates can land a decent job after leaving universities. Since they have money to afford a good standard of living, there is little incentive for criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and the crime rate in
this
 country is among the lowest in the world. In conclusion, the best way to cope with the ever-increasing number of
criminals
in the long run
Add the comma(s)
, in the long run,
show examples
 is to invest more in education rather than paying for more
police
officers
.
Submitted by phuonglan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: