IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays an ordinary people can get popular through the Internet and media. Is it a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advanced communication tools
such
Linking Words
 as the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and media allow quick information flow. Many
people
Use synonyms
 seize the opportunity and become famous via social platforms. Since
younesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 may perceive altered values and affect our society, I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend can pose negative effects.
People
Use synonyms
 see the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and media as a golden chance to trigger changes in their lives. For many of those who do not come from a wealthy family, getting a stable job to support their living is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major concern of them. By showing themselves on the
Internet
Use synonyms
, they build a stage for them to shine at a low cost. Emi Wong, one of the popular
Youtubers
Correct your spelling
YouTubers
 who earn a million dollars a year, was an office administrator before her videos
gone
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
viral. She becomes the most popular
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 user and gains profits from views and sponsorship. It is not a single case that ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 turn themselves into key opinion leaders. It allows them to change their boring life or to gain unexpected life
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, quick information flow can cause various harmful effects on the public, especially teenagers.
People
Use synonyms
 have unrealistic
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 about using social media to get themselves famous. Making videos that
outstand
Verb problem
stand
show examples
among
Change preposition
out
show examples
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 time and effort.
For example
Linking Words
, users need to show special skills or create new ideas to keep their viewers watching their channels. Teenagers are susceptible to lure and believe that getting popular can bring them
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of achievement and identity. They may sacrifice their time and money in order to get more views of their video. In
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 run,
this
Linking Words
 unhealthy trend can lead to less workforce in our society as
people
Use synonyms
 would rather earn their living in the virtual world. Since
this
Linking Words
 trend
pose
Correct subject-verb agreement
poses
show examples
 adverse effects to both individuals and our society, I believe that it is a negative development. The government should step in to monitor healthy
internet
Use synonyms
 use and educate the public to use the
Internet
Use synonyms
 wisely.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: