IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #phones #school
There is no doubt that the usage of mobiles among young people during the week is becoming more popular. While some people believe that
this
 situation should not happen, others argue that
this
 should not be prohibited. In
this
 essay, I will explore both sides of the argument, and I will support with examples why I tend to agree with the latter view.
Firstly
, it is clear that phones can be a distraction if you do not
use
 them properly. These machines have some functionalities that can disturb them from their schoolwork,
such
 as chats, games or camera.
For instance
, when the
first
 mobile arrived at my school, the average score dropped substantially,
as a result
, teachers decided to ban them during the class. If we permit children to
use
 them during the school period, they will lose concentration.
On the other hand
, they can be used to provide peace in both children's and parent's mind.
This
 phones not only have the applications mentioned before but
also
 localization and calls functions.
Furthermore
, we can track immediately where our child is at every moment, which gives us security.
In addition
, kids can
also
 contact their progenitors if they have any problem which can occur at any time. If we do not
use
 new technology, we will not improve as a society.
As a result
, we would always live with the insecurity of our ancestors. To conclude,
although
 there are some drawbacks of allowing children to
use
 the phones as the distraction from their school duties, I firmly believe that we should not ban their usage because the massive benefit we all obtain.
Submitted by cristina.arino on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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