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Band 4.5

Trial marriage is becoming more and more popular among college students. Many people believe this trend has a negative impact on student’s live. Do you agree or disagree?

#marriage #college #students #people #trend #impact #student’s
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These days,
that
Correct word choice
apply
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young couples tend to cohabit before marriage has become common. Personally, I believe
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
produceS
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produces
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 a detrimental impact on
student’s
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students’
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live
Replace the word
lives
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.
To begin
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 with,
that is
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 not to say that cohabitation
dose
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does
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 not bring any optimistic effect.
For instance
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, if they have to face
with
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apply
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complex situations in their
life
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, they will possibly share and solve their problems together. Another perk is that
,
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apply
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 they probably facilitate each other to study or work for their
life
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 in future.
However
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, the drawbacks of cohabitation causes are far greater.
On the other hand
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, I believe that premarital
life
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 may exert a disastrous effect on education and
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the economY
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economY
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economy
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. More specifically,
the
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apply
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young couples may
totally
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apply
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spend most of their time
for
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on
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 each other rather than concentrate on their studies
in
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at
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 university, leading to the fact that they probably find themselves out of their depth and fall behind
with
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in
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 their studies.
Furthermore
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, the job market is competitive, and
the
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apply
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employers would prefer those who are well-qualified and competent, which could lead to the fact that they will be unemployed. Another reason is that cohabitation possibly produces a detrimental on relationships. Indeed, if they
may
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have
unwanted
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an unwanted
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 pregnancy,
maybe
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apply
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they MAY have to decide to abortion.
This
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 could be because they
have
Verb problem
do
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 not enough experience and
responsible
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responsibility
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about
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for
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 these
caseS
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cases
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, leading to
conflictS
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conflict
 between them and
break-downS
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break-downs
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 IN their relationship.
Besides
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 that, regarding
to
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apply
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economics,
the
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apply
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young couples
have
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do have
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 not enough money to raise their child. In conclusion, I would concur with those who believe that premarital
life
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 could lead to adverse
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 on student’s
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by minanguyen1211 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with clear main points and supporting ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more effective in introducing and summarizing your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your response addresses all aspects of the prompt and provides clear, comprehensive ideas. Use relevant and specific examples to support your points more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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