There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

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It is said that removing non-academic subjects from the school syllabus is essential to enhance pupil focus on the academic curriculum.

This

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essay strongly disagrees with the statement mentioned above, For two main reasons.

Firstly

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, introduced entertainment subjects to the curriculum

such

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as cooking or exercise, assessing them to reduce the stress of studying.

Secondly

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, discover the passions or

skills

Use synonyms

the children have.

To begin

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with, adding unacademic materials like cooking, texture, and playing football to many schools' approaches relieves the exhaustion faced by learners during the learning process. To illustrate, when they are doing something as a group and do not require more concentration. It takes them out of excessive thinking

due to

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, they spent

this

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time in hand or foot

skills

Use synonyms

Moreover

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, it fosters a social attitude because they work as teamwork. The research conducted by Cambridge University can be a prime example, they compared the results of students between two schools. One without entertainment programs and the other with

skills

Use synonyms

programs the finding was students get a higher degree in their registration in the second school.

Additionally

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, encouraging the introduction of non-academic activities may discovering the talent or hope the pupils have.

In other words

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practicing

Change the spelling

practising

show examples

more activities is a significant route to knowing their passion and developing these

skills

Use synonyms

. Player Majed Alharbi in Saudi,

for instance

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, he famous player, and he was achieved a lot of victory during his life when he was begging from schools. In conclusion, I firmly agree that introducing skill subjects is crucial for improving students' psychological state and discovering their

skills

Use synonyms

wedyanmassoudSat Jan 25 2025

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Coherence & Cohesion

The essay would benefit from a more varied use of cohesive devices to ensure the arguments flow smoothly. Transitions between paragraphs and points within paragraphs could be more pronounced.

Task Achievement

Try to elaborate more on the main points discussed, as this could enhance the clarity and comprehension of your ideas. Detailed reasoning with additional examples can enhance your argument.

Task Achievement

The introduction clearly sets out the writer's position in response to the task question.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay concludes convincingly by reinforcing the main arguments stated in the introduction.

Task Achievement

The use of real-world examples, such as the Cambridge University research and the sports player Majed Alharbi, enhances the validity and interest of the arguments presented.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Your opinion

Numerous animal species worldwide are currently facing extinction. Some argue that countries and individuals should prioritize protecting these animals, while others believe resources should be focused more on human issues. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decresing. Do you think this is a positive/negative development?

In many countries government are interesting in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening Do you think this is an appreciate use of government money?