The most important aim of science ought to be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, science has shown some significant improvements that benefit people's quality of life, including expanding their life span.
This
essay will examine why I agree with
this
statement. To  begin with, one of the inventions that should not be taken as granted is the discovery of medication,
for example
, the COVID-19 vaccine. It is known that when the pandemic hit us globally, people suffered so much from having various symptoms.
This
situation was quite worrying since the hospitals were not big enough to serve the overloaded patients.
In addition
, there was a lack number of medical workers,
such
as doctors and nurses. Fortunately, about one year after battling with the pandemic, the vaccine eventually emerged
although
there were a lot of victims that had fallen.
However
, people were still very grateful for the invention of the COVID-19 vaccine because it lighted up their hopes.
Moreover
, science aims to broaden people’s knowledge to be aware of the environment. Many nations in
this
world do not have a good geography. Africa and some parts of Asia have severe drought, and most of them cannot produce their own food because of the bad soil.
In addition
, scientists discovered how to make some vegetation suitable for
this
condition, and they did it.
For instance
, In Indonesia, there is a place with poor land conditions, but with some experiments on vegetation, nowadays, they have poor land conditions, but with some experiments on greens, nowadays, they are able to grow some plants that suit poor soil.
This
helps society to improve their lives by growing their own food.
To conclude
, the goal of science is helpful for the community.
Moreover
, we already
saw
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
many positive impacts, and we are waiting for more discoveries to make our lives better.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples, such as the COVID-19 vaccine and agricultural advances in poor soil conditions, demonstrating an effective task response. Consider further refining your argument to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim for smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensure consistency in tense usage. Additionally, addressing counterarguments could strengthen your essay's structure.
Language Accuracy
Revisit your essay to correct duplicate phrases and minor grammatical errors. Such revisions will not significantly impact your score but will polish your presentation.
Content and Examples
Effective use of examples, like the COVID-19 vaccine and agricultural advances, to support your arguments.
Structure
Introduction and conclusion clearly bookend the essay, effectively summarizing your stance and reinforcing your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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