Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #effects

Advertising is one of the important sources of growing any business.

Although

advertise

Wrong verb form

advertising

show examples

any product is necessary for its sale, these ads in today's time

targeting

Wrong verb form

target

show examples

children

. I completely agree that it should be banned as it has many negative effects on the growing age of

children

Firstly

, it could be argued that

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

can not be stopped from

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

eyes. The growing age of

children

brings about hundreds of questions in their minds which for some reason they do not ask

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

anyone but they learn through observations.

However

, it might be possible that something is not

appropriate

Rephrase

as appropriate

show examples

to learn for a child

than

Correct word choice

show examples

it is for a teenager,

such

as always,

condemn

Wrong verb form

condemning

show examples

advertisements

. I believe that these types of learning can be done in school at their proper age.

Moreover

, it is not something broadcast on every channel and

discusses

Wrong verb form

discussed

show examples

openly.

Secondly

, commercials make our kids more demanding in front of their parents. Most

advertisements

are attractive to adolescent, which means they ask their parents to buy it for them. Even worse, not every parent afford these types of

gadget

Fix the agreement mistake

gadgets

show examples

or fast food or biscuits

Change preposition

for

show examples

their kids.

In addition

some times

Correct your spelling

sometimes

show examples

children

might get offended or feel ashamed that

this

is something

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

parent can not afford.

Finally

although

some ads may have fantasy content, many people,

therefore

, argue that

Fix the agreement mistake

advertisements

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

informative and knowledgeable. Most

advertisements

that target

children

on confectionary items are not real, but they show more fantasy.

As a result

, many youngsters become complex or they might start these confectionary items as

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

need and skip their actual meal. My strongest argument is that the actual meal helped kids to grow stronger not these advertising products.

To sum up

, not only do advertisement makes

children

more demanding but

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

also

may convey wrong information to growing

child

Fix the agreement mistake

children

show examples

Therefore

, I strongly feel that these

advertisements

should be banned.

Submitted by sobia.nedian on Tue Jan 26 2021

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task response

Provide more specific examples to support your points. Try to elaborate on the negative effects of advertising targeted at children with concrete instances.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction and a summary in your conclusion. Your essay lacks a precise introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

314 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Task 1: Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005. Plan B shows the same place in the present day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant.

You travelled by plane last week and your suitcase was lost. You have still heard nothing from the airline company. Write to the airline and explain what happened. Describe your suitcase and tell them what was in it. Find out what they are going to do about it.

More and more people today are using computers and electronic devices to access information. Therefore there is no need to print books, magazines and newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people think that success in lìe comé from hard work and determination while others think that there are more imporrtant factors as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?