IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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A vast number of people
work
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 long hours,
therefore
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 they have no free
time
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 for other
activities
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, and I would argue that working hard has several drawbacks,
such
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 as boredom and illness, which I would like to explain in following paragraphs. The
first
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 reason which I elaborate on is fatigue. From a psychological perspective, Working too
much
Change the quantifier
many
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 hours leads to weariness both mentally and physically, which is contribute to lower efficiency at
work
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. I believe if you spend your spare
time
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 on attractive
activities
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, you will be fresher at your
Use synonyms
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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. Due to the many healthy routines, expertise always emphasis on exercise especially
at
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in
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 morning on
d
Add an article
a
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aily basis since it has a significant effect on your brain. They admitted after working out your brain become more efficient and you may make better decisions at your job.so having spare
time
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 is
also
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 important
on
Verify preposition usage
in
for
show examples
 your
work
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 performance. Another demerit is
depression
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. When you always be busy and has
u
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an
the
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ninterrupted duty, you may lose your group of friends and family gradually. So after a short
time
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Add a comma
,
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you find yourself very lonely and you realize you detached from those precious things in your life.
Depression
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 brings about lack of motivation both in your life and
also
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 your job, so your working hours become boring for you.
Thus
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 you cannot focus on your duty anymore .
As a result
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 of
depression
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Add a comma
,
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you ought to see the psychologist with regard to resolve your issue and spend your
time
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 at his office.
However
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, if you had spent adequate
time
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 with your peers at
a
Change the article
the
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 right moment you would never have faced
such
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 a problem. To sum up, I would argue that having sufficient leisure
activities
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 plays a vital role in everyone’s life. Without free
time
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 for fun and interesting
activities
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Add a comma
,
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we may face a lot of
problem
Change the noun form
problems
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such
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 as
depression
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 and boredom.
Submitted by peymangomar on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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