IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should focus on its economy or social services?

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In recent years, the question about whether the
government
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 should focus on economic or social welfare has been receiving a lot of public attention. Personally speaking, I think governments should focus on both
economy
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 and social benefit. There are several reasons why the
government
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 should thrive
Verify preposition usage
in
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the
economy
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.
Firstly
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, the development of a
country
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’s income can help
people
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 have a higher standard of living,
such
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 as every resident will have better conditions to take care of their health, extend life expectancy; or
people
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 with the poor environment can have the opportunity to study in order to have a better life in the future.
Secondly
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, the growth of
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e
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the
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conomy can create more job, reduce the unemployment rate;
also
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, with the good income the
government
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 can offer
m
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the
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ore affordable house for
people
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. In order to measure a
country
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’s success, GDP is not the only way, how to serving their
people
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 is
also
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 very important.
For example
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, payment of pensions, scholarship for students, social insurance benefits, medical services, those things can help
people
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 feel more secure while living in
this
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country
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. To be more specific, with those social benefits,
people
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 will feel more happiness, so that they will work hard and contribute to their nation’s development. To some extent the question, if a
country
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 only focusing on its
economy
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 or social services, that may cause
s
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a
the
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erious public problem.
Such
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 as if a
country
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 only focusing on its economic growth, the
people
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 who are living in
this
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country
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 might be died because of some disease, because there are no medical service insurances, and there will be a lot of crime like rob, steal. As for the
country
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 which only focuses on public services, there is a question, without money how to serve their
people
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. In conclusion, I think social welfare and the
economy
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 go hand in hand so that I agree that the
government
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 should develop both economic and social benefits.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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