Some people think that the olympics is no longer important in the 21st century. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
In today's world, there is a controversy on the topic of the importance of
Olympics
in the 21st century since it is believed by some part of Correct article usage
the Olympics
a
population that Correct article usage
the
this
event may be unnecessary nowadays. I do not agree with this
opinion since, firstly
, Olympics
keep the history and the culture inside of them and, Correct article usage
the Olympics
secondly
, people are motivated to do sports and other physical activities.
First of all, to begin
with, I would like to mention that the Olympic Games have been held for more than 100 years, from
the year 1896 and their main goal is to unite all humans. Change preposition
since
Therefore
, not only do people are reunited by the same experience and emotions but also
they begin to know more about their culture, namely, about its
athletes who are going to perform at Change the word
the
this
event. As a result
, both participants and spectators immerse fully in the atmosphere and
support everyone and feel the energy of othersCorrect word choice
apply
Correct pronoun usage
which
that is
crucial for human beings. For example
, a recent survey conducted in Ukraine has shown that during such
large events
all residents of the country are united by the same goal and desire to win and become a meeting country next year.
Add a comma
events,
Finally
, it can be clearly observed that Olympics
encourage and motivate to do sports that, in turn, Correct article usage
the Olympics
increases
the well-being of the country's citizens. Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
This
is because not only do spectators are engaged in this
competition but, furthermore
, they become so motivated by the performance of their sportsmen that
have been training for the whole of their Correct pronoun usage
who
life
and now they are winners. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Hence
, people see and understand clearly that nothing is impossible and they have a chance to change their life just by going to the gym and starting a fight with their laziness. For instance
, after the Olympic Games in the year 2013, a
percentage of those who are doing different sports activities has increased by more than 20%.
Eventually, Correct article usage
the
to conclude
, I do not agree with the claim that Olympic
Games are no longer important in our world Correct article usage
the Olympic
due to
the fact that they bring with them a lot of history and culture and,in addition
,
because they work as a motivation for other humans.Remove the comma
apply
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Task Achievement
While the essay provides a clear position on the statement, it could benefit from addressing potential opposing viewpoints. This would strengthen your argument by demonstrating consideration of different perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure to use cohesive devices more naturally and appropriately throughout the essay to enhance logical flow and connectivity between ideas.
Task Achievement
Minor grammar and stylistic adjustments could improve clarity, such as ensuring clear sentence structures and eliminating any awkward phrasing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a defined introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining the main arguments and summarizing them at the end.
Task Achievement
It successfully includes relevant examples to support the main points, such as the survey in Ukraine, which adds credibility to the argument.
Task Achievement
The use of complex sentences and varied vocabulary demonstrates a good command of the language.