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Writing Samples
Band 4

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowle

#children #countries #effects #knowle
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Nowadays, youths are putting more
fats
Fix the agreement mistake
fat
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
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 their bodies, which is becoming problematic for developed nations. There are consequences associated with
this
Linking Words
 burning issue and can be seen mostly in wealthy nations where accessibility
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
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 lifestyle is possible without sweating much physically . I shall
further
Linking Words
 discuss mingled problems and long-lasting causes
rutted
Verb problem
related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 obesity. To start with, a juvenile with a heavy body is suffering from several physical and mental drawbacks. Usually , in developed nations, minors are privileged by a plethora of indoor video games and indoor activity set-ups, which basically intend them to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not step out and explore other options
of
Change preposition
for
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 passing leisure time.
Moreover
Linking Words
 , authorities are more conscious about the healthy eating habits of everyone out there.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , most parents are working which
in-result
Correct your spelling
results
show examples
 can not
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 their full attention
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 raising a kid, and kids themselves
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 eating habits in whatever way they feel good and comfortable.
Finally
Linking Words
 , In most cases , children
are ended
Wrong verb form
end
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up consuming more calories and fat items in their tummy. To cite an example, in the US more than 80
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of children and dealing with more weight than what is recommended by the World Health Organization. Taking everything into consideration,
previously
Rephrase
apply
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it will become a more serious problem for authorities and parents they must step forward and their collective efforts can eradicate the issue by setting new standards by the national authority as well as giving more attention to the children
by
Change preposition
through
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 their parents.
Submitted by savududhat123 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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