Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone's benefits. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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Undeterred hard
work
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and the determination to achieve a goal always
provides
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provide

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the desired results.
Although
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cooperation among
students
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is advised to benefit everyone, many of them are encouraged to put their best efforts and compete with their peers to excel in whatever they do. They can learn the value of the efforts needed to achieve something, gain self-confidence but there are
also
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certain drawbacks that are to be taken into account. On the one hand, one benefit of pushing
students
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to
work
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harder is that they know the amount of hard
work
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needed to reach their aim.
In other words
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, the more effort they put in, the more they
practice
Correct your spelling
practise

The word practice doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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a skill, the better they become.
For example
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, high school graduates prepare for almost a year and compete in the technical examinations to secure a seat for themselves in a top-notch college. Another advantage of competing with their classmates is that they are being taught how to have a healthy competition without having to hate or have grudge upon them.
Additionally
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,
this
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imbibes them with the confidence
that is
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needed to run life as adults at
l
Add an article
a

The noun phrase later point seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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ater point in time.
Thus
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, both competition and relentless effort
is
Change the verb form
are

It appears that the singular verb is does not agree with the plural compound subject both competition and relentless effort. Consider changing the verb to the plural form.

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required for them to succeed later in society and
w
Add an article
the

It appears that an article is missing before the word workforce. Consider adding the article.

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orkforce as adults.
On the other hand
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, one problem when
students
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are taught to be
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred

The spelling of self-centered is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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is that they fail to know
b
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the

It appears that an article is missing before the word benefits. Consider adding the article.

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enefits of cooperation. As people, we do not live,
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

or socialise apart from others, so learning how to
work
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along side
Correct your spelling
alongside

The word along side seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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other people ought to be taught from childhood. Teachers and
students
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should take
responsibiity
Correct your spelling
responsibility

The word responsibiity is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

to teach them the
hard core
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hardcore

The word hard core seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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values of cooperating with their peers.
For instance
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, to find
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun relief in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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relief to
this
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never-ending Covid situation, many pharmaceutical companies came forward to have
t
Add an article
a

The noun phrase tie-up seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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ie-up with their opponents to create an effective vaccine which could subside the rising number of cases. In conclusion, while learners can benefit from outstanding efforts without having to cooperate with others, they can
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

lack in areas of cooperating and getting the
work
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

done.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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