IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO ARE AT RISK OF SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS DUE TO BEING OVERWEIGHT IS INCREASING. WHAT IS THE REASON FOR GROWTH IN OVER WEIGHT PEOPLE IN SOCIETY . HOW CAN THIS PROBLEM BE SOLVED .

#people #risk #health #reason #growth #weight #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, more people are getting obese. Those who are obese have a higher chance of having severe health challenges.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look at how poor eating habits and lack of
exercise
Use synonyms
 has led to
this
Linking Words
increase
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 how the
this
Linking Words
 problem can be solved. The main reason for overweight is poor eating habit.
For example
Linking Words
, most people now eat junk meals
instead
Linking Words
 of home cooked meals.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are fast and easy to get. Eating of
such
Linking Words
 foods will only
increase
Use synonyms
 the cholesterol and fat level in the body. One way of reducing the in-take of fast
food
Use synonyms
 is for the government to
increase
Use synonyms
 the tax on them, thereby making them more expensive and discouraging consumption.
In addition
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 owners should always include: "high in-take of fast
food
Use synonyms
 leads to obesity" in their sign post. Another cause of overweight is lack of adequate
exercise
Use synonyms
. Most obese persons are either not exercising at all or do little.
This
Linking Words
 is usually due to their busy schedule or not having easy access to the gym.
Thus
Linking Words
, it will be difficult to burn off fats which could lead to severe heart condition. In order to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, the government need to open more gyms and make them easily accessible to all.
This
Linking Words
 will enable persons to
exercise
Use synonyms
 more and stay in shape. In summary, more individuals are being overweight because they eat the wrong type of
food
Use synonyms
 and do not
exercise
Use synonyms
 enough. The government need to
increase
Use synonyms
 the tax on junk
food
Use synonyms
 and open more gyms. If
this
Linking Words
 is done, I believe that the number of fat persons will reduce and we will have a healthier society.
Submitted by oghalemichael on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: