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Writing Samples
Band 7

A 4 weeks' holidays can make employees do better at job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#weeks #holidays #employees #job
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Work
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 and
life
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 balance has been a struggle in
this
Linking Words
 workaholic day and age, and others suggest that giving a person 30
days
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 of vacation can greatly improve the quality of
life
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 and encourage people to do better at their jobs. I fully agree that giving longer
days
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 up to 4 weeks per year to go on a holiday would definitely push
employees
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' capacity to be better at their
work
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. Advancements in technology, despite its great advantages, incapacitated many people to escape from their jobs. Trends
such
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 as
work
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-from, hybrid setup and continuous open lines of communication make it difficult for a worker to put boundaries between personal and working time.
Due to
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this
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, burnout and depression dramatically increased in
this
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 digital age and faster turnovers happen in many companies. Here in the Philippines, as nurses working in a hospital which is understaffed,
for instance
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, we are required to be on call despite our day off, especially during peak seasons when patients flood the floor, and our nurse manager often uses all means of communication, from calling our mobile number to chatting via various social media platform, just to reach us. With a heavy workload and fewer
days
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 to rest, nurses are more prone to burnout and sickness but the saddest thing about
this
Linking Words
 is that vacation leaves are only limited to 5
days
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 per year and 3
days
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 of paid sick leave are given by most companies. Rest is a must. Extending holiday paid leaves up to 40
days
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 per year would surely give time for tired workers to recharge and do better at
work
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. It allows them to recuperate the lost energy from their workplace, declutter the mind from unnecessary stress, invest in hobbies that improve mental health and allow more quality time for friends and family which would create positive reinforcement to do better with their duties at
work
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.
Work
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 and
life
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 balance is one of the most important factors employers should think about in caring for the welfare of their
employees
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. Providing more leaves encourages
employees
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 to be on top of their game not just in
life
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 but
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work
Change preposition
at work
show examples
 as well and happy
employees
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 create the most wonderful environment that creates efficient
work
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.
Submitted by decxelnarjoyragas on

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task response
Make sure to directly address the essay question in both your introduction and conclusion to ensure clarity of your position throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Integrate a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly and to enhance the flow of your paragraphs.
task response
Provide balanced views if the task requires discussing both sides, to ensure a comprehensive response.
task response
To strengthen your argument, include a variety of specific examples from a broad spectrum, including statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes where appropriate.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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