IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Essay topics: As a result of electronic inventions such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the advancement of technology,It brings us more ways of enjoyment
such
Linking Words
 as the
computer
Use synonyms
 and television are one of them.Today era people are becoming more and more dependent on
these electronic equipment
Change the determiner
this electronic equipment
show examples
.Which leads them to an unhealthy lifestyle.I fully agree with the above notion.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,I will spread shadow on the negative effect of electronic devices on humans in the following paragraphs.
First
Linking Words
 of all,In the modern world
Add a comma
,
show examples
these inventions devices like,television and the
computer
Use synonyms
 playing a vital role in hectic lifestyle.Whereas it is a stress buster for many communities.But it
also
Linking Words
 has an opposite side,
For example
Linking Words
, week health, People who spend most of the time watching tv or
computer
Use synonyms
 have very week eye site.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when we watch it for a longer period it
also
Linking Words
 creates a lot of mental stress.
Secondly
Linking Words
,It
also
Linking Words
 one of the main reason of obesity among the teenagers in developed countries like America,Newzealand to illustrate that, according to NZ heralds newspaper in Newzealand 70% of teenagers are suffering from obesity because they consume a lot of junk food and their outside activities are zeros.They eat food and watch movies or play video games on the
computer
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,it
also
Linking Words
 effects
on
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
our social relations.
For instance
Linking Words
,people who go out participate in outside games have better relationships with their friends or family as compare to who glued to screens. In conclusion,I admit that it has many advantages but if we use anything overuse that thing becomes a curse
instead
Linking Words
 of blessings.So it is our responsibility to make a balance in our life.we can
also
Linking Words
 use them to educate us
instead
Linking Words
 of just wasting time on unwanted things.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: