IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is believed that people who read for pleasure develop their imagination more and acquire better language skills compare to people who prefer watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a common perception that when we study for
fun
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fun,
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 we gain more knowledge of how to communicate than individuals who rely on visuals like movies. In my opinion, I completely agree that reading is more beneficial
for
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than
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 watching television.
This
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 essay will support the argument with proven examples. Creative thinking is developed by doing intellectual things regularly
Linking Words
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; therefore
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therefore
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therefore,
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 folks who read interesting books tend to be more versatile in thinking.
Also
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, ardent book readers are usually academicians,
that is
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individuals
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, individuals
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 who want to improve the world by studying and inventing new things.
For instance
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,my university lecturer told me back in the
days
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day
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 that he studies an average of ten books in a week. which is a difficult task for most folks.
Subsequently
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, young adults who grew up studying regularly are more creative in their writing tasks. because as they
read
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read,
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 they take notes of the languages and vocabularies, they have the
tendencies
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tendency
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 to search for new words they do not
understand
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understand,
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 as they can easily
pick
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look
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 up a dictionary to find words and
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their meaning
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meaning
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meanings
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.
For example
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, the Australian education
department
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department's
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 recent survey shows that there is a sharp decline in year ten
student's
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students'
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 writing module across the states because students spend a reasonable hour on screen rather than books. In conclusion, as humans,we should invest our time and energy in reading at
lease
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least
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 a book
in
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apply
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a day, no matter how small the book
is
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is,
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 to increase our knowledge power.
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instead
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Instead
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 of investing too much time in the screen.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader better.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' more effectively.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support each point clearly and make them stronger.
task achievement
Check grammar and punctuation to improve overall clarity and make your ideas easier to read.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and have stated your agreement with the prompt.
task achievement
Your examples show some research and understanding of the topic.
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