IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time
In today's world, it is believed by some part of the population that children should be involved in various group activities when they have spare
time
. At the same
time
,
others
 consider that it might be better for their offspring to learn how to occupy themselves on their own.
To begin
 with, on the one hand, an
aproach
Correct your spelling
approach
 of
orginizing
Correct your spelling
organizing
 grouped events is likely to help infants to understand how to co-operate and work in a team.
This
 is
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 of the fact that
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation will have an opportunity to participate in activities with their peers and, in order not to feel boring, they will communicate and change interesting ideas.
Therefore
, not only will these youngsters receive skills of working as a team with other
people
 that, in turn, might help them in their future career but,
furthermore
, they are likely to learn a lot of new information from communications with other children.
For example
, recent research has shown that those who have participated in grouped events become more confident and sociable.
However
,
on the other hand
, it might be more beneficial for
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
 part of the population to learn how to spend occupy themselves on their own since it will help them not to become addicted to communication.
This
 is due to the fact that not only are the majority of
people
 addicted to the conversations with
others
 and feel extremely lonely when are alone for some reasons but,
moreover
, they might be bored and depressed.
As a result
, if infants are
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
thought
 how to spend
time
 interestingly without other
people
 they are likely to become more independent and not addicted to the rest of the world.
For instance
, scientists suggest that, in order to have a balance inside, you have to be able to feel comfortable and not lonely when spending
time
 without
others
. Eventually, to
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
,
although
 communication and co-operation are important for
people
 since they might
incraese
Correct your spelling
increase
 their sociability it might be better for youngsters to understand how to occupy themselves when they are on their own. In my opinion,
this
 approach has more advantages
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
others
 since it helps humans to find
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
harmony and a balance with their own mind and become independent from
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 world .
Submitted by veronika-glinka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
What to do next:
Look at other essays: