IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think certain prisoners should be made to set up unpaid community work, instead of just being put behind the bars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prisoners #community #work #bars
Every
society
 needs a peaceful environment. Few
people
 consider that the offender involves in the small number of
crimes
 should be chosen for the
society
Replace the word
social
show examples
 welfare jobs. I do
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
 some extent with the
above written
Add a hyphen
above-written
show examples
 statement, while
other
Replace the word
others
show examples
 should be put behind
bar
Add an article
the bar
show examples
. The Culprit
people
 involved in the
crimes
 of theft or small activities should be taken into cleaning streets, planting trees, and charity work. By adopting
such
 exercise offenders feel ashamed and will not think again to do
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
. In England, small
crime
people
 involved in prisons are encouraged and educate to do right things and spent rest of life free of
crime
. Some argue that the criminals indulge
himself
Change the pronoun
themselves
show examples
 into suspicious activities after these educated programmed.
On the other hand
, brutal
people
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 in the big offences like rape, murder or abduction and so on must be put into behind the bar. They have no right to ruin others life,
also
 set a symbolic example for others who
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 to do
such
crimes
. In many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 intense punishment for
such
 little
crimes
.
However
,
this
 is only one way to stop offender to commit sin but without government
involvement
Add a comma
,involvement
show examples
 it is not possible. Authority should pass strict acts for these big violation. To make the
society
 free of
crime
 and criminal person, it is very essential to take
such
 steps that involve fear and punishment to all big and small offenders.
Society
 betterment programs should be performed by
Add an article
a law
show examples
law breaker
Correct your spelling
lawbreaker
show examples
 that will encourage to do
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 things in their future. While the
series
Verify preposition usage
ofseries
show examples
 criminals should keep behind jail bars.in my opinion, we can make our
society
 full educated and give them complete awareness about
crime
Add an article
the crime
a crime
show examples
 which will be helpful in establishing peace.
Submitted by Urooj Hayat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: