IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
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In modern days, saving
money
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 plays a crucial skill for all individuals if they want to be successful in the
future
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. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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 viewpoint, since everyone needs to prepare
money
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 for emergency cases and have a great financial habit.
To begin
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 with. there are two reasons why it is extremely vital for
people
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, including young generations, to save
money
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 for their
future
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. First of all, saving
money
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 provides financial security, helping individuals to cover unexpected expenses or emergencies.
For instance
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, when older have cancer, they still have a large budget in order to pay hospital costs and buy some drugs.
However
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, without that
money
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, they may face death or not have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to stay in the hospital.
Secondly
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, young
people
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 will have good financial habits when they know how to keep the
money
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 for their
future
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. They might to have saving
money
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 and planning skills which are essential skills if they want to be successful in the financial markets.
In addition
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, the main reason I think saving
money
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 is important for every
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 is that early savings contribute to a more comfortable retirement. When they are older, they will face a lot of problems
such
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 as sickness, lack of
money
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, etc.
Therefore
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, keeping
money
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 will help them reduce the need to rely on state pensions or financial support from family. In conclusion, meanwhile, some young adults believe saving
money
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 is not essential. In my opinion, I still agree with that statement because there are numerous benefits for all individuals if
people
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 know they should priority to save their
money
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 for the
future
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.
Submitted by nguyenhoanganhquan918 on

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task achievement
You should provide clearer and more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, give more real-life scenarios or data that back up your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next. Use more transitional phrases to improve the coherence of your essay.
general
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. This will enhance the overall clarity and comprehensibility of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
You have presented comprehensive ideas supporting your viewpoint. Your points are logical and relevant to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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