IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #sports #role #society #leisure #activity
Sports
 have been the common physical
activity
 of
people
 in history. While others consider
this
 only as an enjoyable
activity
 mainly for recreation, others argue that it has a significant
role
 to play in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
. I am strongly an advocate of the latter because
sports
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 an important
role
 in the overall being of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
. On the one hand, most
people
 consider
sports
 only as a
form
 of leisure for the reason that they view it as an enjoyable
activity
. It gives them the chance to spend time with their family members and friends through playing which in effect may develop their relationship with them.
Sports
,
also
, may foster new relationships with other
people
 who share the same interests as theirs.
Hence
,
sports
 could be a
form
 of recreation for some
people
.
However
,
sports
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 an important
role
 to play in the overall being of the
society
 as it is a significant
activity
 to keep
people
 active and become physically fit.
For instance
, when
people
 play a specific sport
such
 as volleyball, it allows their body to be physically active given that it requires movements
such
 as running, jumping, and hopping that may make them sweat and at the same time keep their muscles toned.
With
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
 type of exercise, it reduces
also
 their chances of potential injuries. Studies
also
 have shown that exercise not only improves
physically
Change the adverb
physical
show examples
health
 but
also
 sharpens mental
activity
 and improves emotional state.
Hence
,
sports
 as a
form
 of exercise could be beneficial in the overall
health
 of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
. There are certain views as to what the
role
 of
sports
 has in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
. Some
people
 might only consider it as a
form
 of recreation and bonding time with family and friends, yet it may
also
 paved
way
Add an article
the way
show examples
 to meet
people
 who share the same interests.
On the other hand
, the significant
role
 of
sports
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
 is the overall
health
 benefits it provides. Not only does it improve
people
's physical
health
 as a whole but it could
also
 show significant effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their mental and emotional being.
Hence
, I believe that
sports
 definitely has an important contribution to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
 as a whole.
Submitted by christinejoyce.beltran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: