IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In modern society,
while
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 think that charitable
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 are well-advised to(should) provide aid to citizens of their own countries, another
of
Change preposition
apply
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thought is that underprivileged global citizens should
be received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 assistance, regardless of geographical barriers. In my essay, I will delve into the latter view. On the one hand, the government should help its neighbours and fellow citizens. The main reason for
this
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 is that in virtually all communities, there are impoverished or disadvantaged
people
Use synonyms
 who need attention and support from others.
For example
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, it is not uncommon to catch sight of (see) homeless children and miserable beggars in even the wealthiest district of Vietnam.
Therefore
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, a charitable campaign
such
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 as clothing donation, building a house of gratitude, or economic incentive should be
prioritized
Use the right word
prioritised
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 in local areas rather than in other regions abroad.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are several reasons why charity
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 should support impoverished
people
Use synonyms
 in the world.
Firstly
Linking Words
, through
this
Linking Words
 help, the government can build a harmonious and mutually beneficial relationship with other countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Japanese government has invested millions of dollars in the form of ODA, through the construction of more bridges, railways,
Correct word choice
and infrastructures
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infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
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 in Vietnam since 2007.
Thus
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,
this
Linking Words
 collaboration enables the recipient country to have the potential to repay the debt and enhance economic development.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is true that
people
Use synonyms
 in underdeveloped countries have to suffer more pressing issues
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as inadequate accommodation, a lack of food and education
than
Punctuation problem
, than
show examples
 developed
ones
Check wording
countries
show examples
. All in all, I am more inclined to the view that charity
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 should give support to all deprived
people
Use synonyms
 in the world.

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task
State your clear view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion; keep your position easy to see.
coherence
Begin each paragraph with a clear idea sentence and use simple links to show how ideas move.
lexical
Use simple, common words and avoid long or difficult phrases.
grammar
Check basic grammar and make sentences short and easy.
examples
Add more real examples and explain how they prove your point.
structure
Follow a simple plan: intro, one paragraph on each side, then conclusion.
style
Avoid odd phrases and big words; write in plain style.
opinion
Clear view that aid should go to people in need everywhere.
structure
Good basic structure with four parts: intro, two body parts, and conclusion.
content
Use of place examples to back ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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