IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences. Some people think only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shortage #cities #consequences #people #government #action
The huge development of urban areas attracts people.
Therefore
, the big
cities
 are getting overpopulated causing inadequacy of shelter in urban
cities
.
This
 can pose some serious social effects. It is of popular opinion that only the government can provide solutions to
this
 issue and I completely agree with the statement. Some people may claim that the population can control the housing shortage. They may refer to these situations
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 that which will warrant individuals, to
sought
Wrong verb form
seek
show examples
 jobs with better-earning capacity. As a result, they can afford the high housing fees
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can live more comfortably, and they can avoid being victims of social circumstances. I believe
this
 argument does not stand up to scrutiny, as it is only logical that only the government can create means to improve housing
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
To begin
, the state can facilitate décongestion of the urban centres by prioritizing the rural area development.
As a result
, the rate at which people immigrate to the big
cities
 will be slowed down,
also
 there can be emigration from big
cities
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small towns.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Tribune Newsline, a well-known news website reported the population decline in Kumasi, a well-developed city in Ghana that occurred in the year 2010- 2015.
As a result
 of industries and
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of better roads in smaller
cities
.
Furthermore
, the government can affect laws against real estate agencies from charging the inhabitants exorbitantly. In effect, it can limit some negative situations
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 sexual abuse, and increased crime
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, I believe that
although
 some others may disagree with the notion, I opine that only the state has the capacity to tackle the sheltering issue through the betterment of rural areas and put a stop to
overpricing
Correct article usage
the overpricing
show examples
 of houses by real-estate dealers.
Hence
, it can help avoid some negative social implications.
Submitted by Oludiran Tijesulola  on

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task response
Ensure that your essay responds fully to the question prompt and stays on topic. Include a clear thesis statement and provide balanced arguments for your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is mostly clear, but it can be improved by using more transitional words and phrases to link ideas and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • affordable housing
  • urban planning
  • policies
  • funding
  • private sector
  • community organizations
  • public-private partnerships
  • innovative solutions
  • market demands
  • financially viable
  • socioeconomic factors
  • income inequality
  • migration
  • urbanization
  • concerted efforts
What to do next:
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