Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, such as skydiving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree?
A few individuals assert that several extreme
sports
involving high risks Use synonyms
such
as mountain climbing and sky diving ought to be banned by the governing authorities. I, Linking Words
however
, do not agree with Linking Words
this
notion and reasons to strengthen my viewpoint are put forth in subsequent paragraphs.
On the one hand, admittedly, these Linking Words
adventure
Use synonyms
sports
are dangerous because of the high probability of any mishappening . It is often seen that sportsmen lost their lives Use synonyms
while
performing difficult and Linking Words
life taking
tasks Add a hyphen
life-taking
such
as diving from high altitude, riding at high speed or climbing hostile terrain. In spite of Linking Words
this
risk, I opine that banning these Linking Words
sports
is not the ultimate solution to prevent deaths because Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
activities
are a source of income for many Use synonyms
people
. Use synonyms
Instead
, the government can ensure high safety measures for those who perform these Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
such
as training programs prior to actual competitions and so on. Linking Words
This
can decrease the mortality rate Linking Words
while
maintaining the spirits of these Linking Words
adventure
Use synonyms
sports
.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, I assert that these Linking Words
sports
should not be banned at any cost because of several other reasons. First and foremost, Use synonyms
adventure
Use synonyms
sports
give an adrenaline rush to the players which is not possible in any other outdoor activity. Use synonyms
This
is not only a source of entertainment for many Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
helps them to maintain their physical health as proper fitness is requisite Linking Words
while
Linking Words
persuing
these Correct your spelling
pursuing
activities
. Use synonyms
For example
, in order to perform tracking in mountains, participants require high stamina which inspires them to remain fit during normal days. Linking Words
Thus
, these Linking Words
adventure
Use synonyms
activities
serve a dual purpose of entertainment Use synonyms
as well as
physical fitness.
Linking Words
In addition
, Linking Words
adventure
Use synonyms
sports
inspire Use synonyms
people
to think beyond the limits of a human being. It is primarily Use synonyms
due to
the fact that these extreme Linking Words
sports
involve many Use synonyms
activities
which are performed for the first time by breaking the mental barriers. To illustrate, in 2017, a famous climber Alex Honnold climbed the mountain of approximately 5000 meters without even using ropes. Use synonyms
This
story can inspire many other Linking Words
people
to intimate Use synonyms
this
thinking in their daily Linking Words
life
to pursue their impossible dreams. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Thus
, it can be said that these Linking Words
activities
are imperative for inspiring hopeless Use synonyms
people
to think beyond their limits.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, Linking Words
adventure
Use synonyms
sports
are vital for Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
in terms of providing entertainment and motivation even though Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
involves
a high degree of risk which can be surmounted by amending requirements to perform these Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
activities
to a certain extent.Use synonyms
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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but the logical structure within paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
The response is generally complete and provides clear and relevant ideas. However, more focus on addressing all parts of the prompt would enhance the task response.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and the ideas are expressed clearly. However, some language could be more precise and varied.
Grammatical Range
The essay exhibits a generally strong command of grammatical structures. Nevertheless, a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex forms would further enhance the essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.