Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, such as skydiving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree?

A few individuals assert that several extreme
sports
involving high risks
such
as mountain climbing and sky diving ought to be banned by the governing authorities. I,
however
, do not agree with
this
notion and reasons to strengthen my viewpoint are put forth in subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, admittedly, these
adventure
sports
are dangerous because of the high probability of any mishappening . It is often seen that sportsmen lost their lives
while
performing difficult and
life taking
Add a hyphen
life-taking
show examples
tasks
such
as diving from high altitude, riding at high speed or climbing hostile terrain. In spite of
this
risk, I opine that banning these
sports
is not the ultimate solution to prevent deaths because
such
activities
are a source of income for many
people
.
Instead
, the government can ensure high safety measures for those who perform these
sports
such
as training programs prior to actual competitions and so on.
This
can decrease the mortality rate
while
maintaining the spirits of these
adventure
sports
.
On the other hand
, I assert that these
sports
should not be banned at any cost because of several other reasons. First and foremost,
adventure
sports
give an adrenaline rush to the players which is not possible in any other outdoor activity.
This
is not only a source of entertainment for many
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
helps them to maintain their physical health as proper fitness is requisite
while
persuing
Correct your spelling
pursuing
show examples
these
activities
.
For example
, in order to perform tracking in mountains, participants require high stamina which inspires them to remain fit during normal days.
Thus
, these
adventure
activities
serve a dual purpose of entertainment
as well as
physical fitness.
In addition
,
adventure
sports
inspire
people
to think beyond the limits of a human being. It is primarily
due to
the fact that these extreme
sports
involve many
activities
which are performed for the first time by breaking the mental barriers. To illustrate, in 2017, a famous climber Alex Honnold climbed the mountain of approximately 5000 meters without even using ropes.
This
story can inspire many other
people
to intimate
this
thinking in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
to pursue their impossible dreams.
Thus
, it can be said that these
activities
are imperative for inspiring hopeless
people
to think beyond their limits.
To conclude
,
adventure
sports
are vital for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
in terms of providing entertainment and motivation even though
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
involves
Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
show examples
a high degree of risk which can be surmounted by amending requirements to perform these
activities
to a certain extent.
Submitted by harkiratsingh.tu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but the logical structure within paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
The response is generally complete and provides clear and relevant ideas. However, more focus on addressing all parts of the prompt would enhance the task response.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and the ideas are expressed clearly. However, some language could be more precise and varied.
Grammatical Range
The essay exhibits a generally strong command of grammatical structures. Nevertheless, a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex forms would further enhance the essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: