Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, such as skydiving and rock climbing. Do you agree or disagree?
A few individuals assert that several extreme
sports
involving high risks such
as mountain climbing and sky diving ought to be banned by the governing authorities. I, however
, do not agree with this
notion and reasons to strengthen my viewpoint are put forth in subsequent paragraphs.
On the one hand, admittedly, these adventure
sports
are dangerous because of the high probability of any mishappening . It is often seen that sportsmen lost their lives while
performing difficult and life taking
tasks Add a hyphen
life-taking
such
as diving from high altitude, riding at high speed or climbing hostile terrain. In spite of this
risk, I opine that banning these sports
is not the ultimate solution to prevent deaths because such
activities
are a source of income for many people
. Instead
, the government can ensure high safety measures for those who perform these sports
such
as training programs prior to actual competitions and so on. This
can decrease the mortality rate while
maintaining the spirits of these adventure
sports
.
On the other hand
, I assert that these sports
should not be banned at any cost because of several other reasons. First and foremost, adventure
sports
give an adrenaline rush to the players which is not possible in any other outdoor activity. This
is not only a source of entertainment for many people
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
helps them to maintain their physical health as proper fitness is requisite while
persuing
these Correct your spelling
pursuing
activities
. For example
, in order to perform tracking in mountains, participants require high stamina which inspires them to remain fit during normal days. Thus
, these adventure
activities
serve a dual purpose of entertainment as well as
physical fitness.
In addition
, adventure
sports
inspire people
to think beyond the limits of a human being. It is primarily due to
the fact that these extreme sports
involve many activities
which are performed for the first time by breaking the mental barriers. To illustrate, in 2017, a famous climber Alex Honnold climbed the mountain of approximately 5000 meters without even using ropes. This
story can inspire many other people
to intimate this
thinking in their daily life
to pursue their impossible dreams. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Thus
, it can be said that these activities
are imperative for inspiring hopeless people
to think beyond their limits.
To conclude
, adventure
sports
are vital for the
Correct article usage
apply
people
in terms of providing entertainment and motivation even though it
Correct pronoun usage
they
involves
a high degree of risk which can be surmounted by amending requirements to perform these Correct subject-verb agreement
involve
activities
to a certain extent.Submitted by harkiratsingh.tu on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but the logical structure within paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence.
Task Achievement
The response is generally complete and provides clear and relevant ideas. However, more focus on addressing all parts of the prompt would enhance the task response.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and the ideas are expressed clearly. However, some language could be more precise and varied.
Grammatical Range
The essay exhibits a generally strong command of grammatical structures. Nevertheless, a wider variety of sentence structures and more complex forms would further enhance the essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!