IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Students should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. Do you agree or disagree with this view

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The smartphone should be restricted for the scholars in the education Institutes . I agree with the provided statement because of some reasons
such
Linking Words
 as
distract
Change the form of the verb
distracting
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learners from their main purpose
as well as
Linking Words
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 birth to several fitness issues later to eyesight and neurological
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
additionally
Linking Words
 students can
also
Linking Words
 measure the electronic gadgets for the cheating objects objectives in the exams to embark on the prime objective of the learners in school in education so the use of cellphone should be banned in schools because they are myriad reasons for the statement. Mainlydirecting the devices used in the classroom can improve learning because it distracts people from studying so without mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 learners can easily focus on their academics to illustrate
this
Linking Words
 if the strains have
this
Linking Words
 smartphone in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
pocket
Fix the agreement mistake
pockets
show examples
. Detention will be on the phone notification and social media date
instead
Linking Words
 of learning additional list runs can explore the mobile phones for the cheating objectives in the class test which affects badly on like add the mid-performance of the scholars in the final exams
furthermore
Linking Words
 the excessive usage of smart devices can take a heavy to habitable on the energy of students as per the recent study of Oxford University the prime causes of low by reason disorder between thread is heavy use of the digital screen
as a result
Linking Words
 impact negatively on both strength
as well as
Linking Words
 academic which is not good for their
overall
Linking Words
 development
in conclusion
Add the comma(s)
, in conclusion,
show examples
 scholars must be provided from the usage of cellular phones in the schools because it caused destruction and gave birth to well-being trouble which can cause bad Academy performance
consequently
Linking Words
. so, I believe that
while
Linking Words
 should be totally banned
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
school hours

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity and coherence of the introduction and conclusion. Ensure they effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas. Make sure each point is clearly explained and connected to the main argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: