IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Students should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. Do you agree or disagree with this view

#students #phones #school
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The smartphone should be restricted for the scholars in the education Institutes . I agree with the provided statement because of some reasons
such
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 as
distract
Change the form of the verb
distracting
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for
Change preposition
apply
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learners from their main purpose
as well as
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give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 birth to several fitness issues later to eyesight and neurological
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
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additionally
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 students can
also
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 measure the electronic gadgets for the cheating objects objectives in the exams to embark on the prime objective of the learners in school in education so the use of cellphone should be banned in schools because they are myriad reasons for the statement. Mainlydirecting the devices used in the classroom can improve learning because it distracts people from studying so without mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 learners can easily focus on their academics to illustrate
this
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 if the strains have
this
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 smartphone in
the
Change the word
their
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pocket
Fix the agreement mistake
pockets
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. Detention will be on the phone notification and social media date
instead
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 of learning additional list runs can explore the mobile phones for the cheating objectives in the class test which affects badly on like add the mid-performance of the scholars in the final exams
furthermore
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 the excessive usage of smart devices can take a heavy to habitable on the energy of students as per the recent study of Oxford University the prime causes of low by reason disorder between thread is heavy use of the digital screen
as a result
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 impact negatively on both strength
as well as
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 academic which is not good for their
overall
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 development
in conclusion
Add the comma(s)
, in conclusion,
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 scholars must be provided from the usage of cellular phones in the schools because it caused destruction and gave birth to well-being trouble which can cause bad Academy performance
consequently
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. so, I believe that
while
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 should be totally banned
in
Change preposition
during
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school hours
Submitted by rajeev kumar on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity and coherence of the introduction and conclusion. Ensure they effectively introduce and summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas. Make sure each point is clearly explained and connected to the main argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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