IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

#sales #consumer #goods #power #society
Nowadays, the consumption of
goods
 is reflecting the increase of power of advertising but not the demand for
need
Add an article
the need
show examples
 of society in which they are sold. I partly agree with
this
 statement because
people
 are becoming unconscious about what they want to buy. On one hand, the essential product is always the
first
 choice in other options.
First
 of all, to have a convenient life,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
products
 are required to get a happy life.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 the manager always needs a clean suit for the meeting or the house is needed to decorate on ceremony day. The
second
, the necessary
goods
 are the
first
 helps to the
consumer
 because they usually see the benefit of the product when they extremely need it.
However
, some
people
 do not see all of the qualities of
products
 so they easily were forgotten by the
consumer
.
On the other hand
, a lot of
consumer
 does think about the function of
products
 when they buy it.
Firstly
, many
people
 just want to buy
goods
 after watching the advertisement
of
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 these.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 those
products
 were bought
beacasue
Correct your spelling
because
 they have a beautiful outlook, even some
products
 are useless for their life.
In addition
, the advertising company always have a good strategy for their
products
hence
 those are easy to access the
consumer
 not only on the TV
also
 and the social media and the billboards. In conclusion, recently
people
 just buy
products
 when found that have a good look or a poor understanding of
goods
. The media company will take these advantages to ear more money from the
consumer
.
Submitted by tltrunghk19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: