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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

STUDIES SHOW THAT CRIME RATE ARE LOWER AMONG THOSE WITH EDUCATION DEGREES. THEREFORE, THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE THE CRIME RATE IS TO EDUCATE CRIMINALS WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN PRISON. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#studies #show #crime #rate #education #degrees #criminals #prison
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THERE IS AN EVER-DECREASING NUMBER OF CRIMES FOR
PEOPLE
 TO HAVE DEGREES, FOR
THIS
 REASON, SOME ARGUE THAT
DELINQUENCES
Correct your spelling
DELINQUENCY
 SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO EDUCATION WHILE THEY ARE IN JAIL. I AGREE WITH
PEOPLE
 COMMITTING A CRIME MUST BE EDUCATED SINCE EVERYONE DESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE AS LONG AS THEY HAVE FORGOTTEN THEIR EVIL WAYS.
FIRST
 OFF, THE MAIN REASON WHY RECKLESS
PEOPLE
 SHOULD BE EDUCATED IS THAT THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO REHABILITATE INTO SOCIETY. MANY OF THEM HAVE NO STUDIES AND FOR
THIS
 REASON, THEY MAKE MISTAKE AND GET INTO TROUBLE ONCE AGAIN ,
HOWEVER
Add the comma(s)
,HOWEVER
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 IF THEY STUDY A CAREER OR OCCUPATION WILE THEY ARE IN PRISON AND SEEK FOR GUIDANCE, THEY WILL HAVE A CHANGE TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON.
THEREFORE
, GIVING THEM A
SECOND
 OPPORTUNITY COMES IN HANDY BECAUSE NOT ONLY THE CRIME RATE WILL DECREASE, BUT
ALSO
 MORE QUALIFIED
PEOPLE
 WILL CONTRIBUTE TO THE GROWTH OF THE ECONOMY OF THE COUNTRY.
ON THE OTHER HAND
, THERE ARE MANY PROFESSIONALS THAT COMMIT CRIMES , SO HAVING A DEGREE IS NOT THE BIG PROBLEM. TO ILLUSTRATE, THERE ARE MANY RECKLESS AUTHORITIES THAT THEY ARE ONLY CONCERNED ABOUT MAKING MONEY RATHER THAN HELP THE COMMUNITY. THE MAJORITY OF THESE
PEOPLE
 HAVE STUDIED
A
Remove the article
apply
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MASTER DEGREES BUT THERE IS NO GUARANTEE THAT THEY WILL COMMIT A CRIME. THEY AGAIN, I CONSIDER THAT EDUCATION SHOULD BE ALLOWED, BUT NOT FOR ALL, IT MUST BE ONLY FOR
PEOPLE
 WHO DESERVE IT AND HAVE SHOWN REALLY CHANGES IN THEIR BEHAVIOR. TO SUM UP, EVEN THOUGH SOME
PEOPLE
 THINK THAT CRIMINALS SHOULD NOT HAVE ACCESS TO EDUCATION, I STRONGLY FEEL THAT IF THESE
PEOPLE
 HAVE CHANGE ADMIT THAT THEY WERE WRONG, THEY
DEVERVE
Correct your spelling
DESERVE
 AN OPPORTUNITY TO STUDY AND WITH
THIS
, WE CAN REDUCE THE CRIMINAL RATE ON THE STREETS.
Submitted by jakieflorest on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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