IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others Disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People nowadays are very particular about their personal
information
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 and like to keep it confidential.
Nevertheless
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,
its
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it's
it is
show examples
 a growing trend amongst
employers
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 to gather personal as well as professional
information
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 about their
employees
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 in order to develop
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding. Some are of the opinion that the idea of gathering data relating
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 employee's marital status, their hobbies etc. by the
employers
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 is reasonable and fruitful while others do not confide in
this
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. I
also
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 accord with
this
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 new approach.
To begin
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whith
Correct your spelling
with
, some people may find it irrelevant to share their private details with their
employers
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 because they might find it as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 invasion
to
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of
show examples
 their
privicy
Correct your spelling
privacy
.
Moreover
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,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 a human nature to be
secrative
Correct your spelling
secretive
 about our
life
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. People think that the employer must be concerned with their professional performance.
Work
Add a hyphen
Work-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 is, indeed, believed to totally unrelated to their personal traits. Studies show that while filling the employment form workers normally skip filling up the areas requesting personal
information
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.
Conversely
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,
employers
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 emphasise
on
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apply
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knowing their
employees
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 both personal and professional
information
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. As we know while employing knowing the professional
backbround
Correct your spelling
background
 is critical.
Likewise
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, understanding their professional
life
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 helps to build up a strong relationship.
A research
Correct article usage
Research
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 conducted on leading 10 companies of
asia
Change the capitalization
Asia
show examples
 states that most companies collect confidential data because it helps them to understand their
employees
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 better and
hence
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 build
strong
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a strong
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 partnership. Business owners
claims
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claim
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 that they can create better work relationships provided that the
employees
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 provide correct data. In conclusion, It is for sure a matter of great trust to give
ccess
Correct your spelling
access
 of personal
information
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 but is
extreemply
Correct your spelling
extremely
 necessary to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
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 balance. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 collecting personal
information
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 is
expreemly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 reasonable provided that the
employers
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 keep
this
Linking Words
information
Use synonyms
 safe.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
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