New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time . do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Although
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
technological advancement plays an important role in human's life,which leads to changing the way people, especially
children
spend their free
time
.while
this
trend has some benefits for
children
. In my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion

The word opnion is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

, I consider that the adverse effects of technology on
children
outweigh its
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages

The word advatages is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why technological advancement is beneficial for students.
First
and foremost, in
the
Remove the article
apply

It appears that the is unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

show examples
light of the enhancement of the internet, pupils can learn myriad subjects in their free
time
.
For example
,
youngster
Add an article
a youngster
the youngster

The noun phrase youngster seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
can watch
National
Correct article usage
the National

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
Geographic channel which provides information on the wildlife animals
such
as Tiger,Lions or crocodile etcetera.
In addition
,
teenager
Add an article
a teenager
the teenager

The noun phrase teenager seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
can use social networking sites
for
Add the comma(s)
,for

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter for instance. Consider adding the comma(s).

show examples
instance , Facebook and Instagram to make friends from
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
overseas countries which can fraternize their relationships in future and enhance their 
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge

The word knowlege is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

on
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
foreign traditions, cultures, history and languages.
On the other hand
, despite some benefits, I believe that using technology in kid's free
time
have
Change the verb form
has

The verb have does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
far more drawbacks than its
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits

The word benfits is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

.
Firstly
,adolescents sticking their eyes on computer screens, mobile phone, laptops and other gadgets excessively are most
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often

The word oftenly is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

suffered
form
Correct your spelling
from

The word form doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
various health ailments. To illustrate, obesity,
short- sightedness
Add a hyphen
short-sightedness

It appears that short sightedness is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
,back-pain and headache.
In other words
, they become potato couch sitting on
theirs
Correct the word
their

It appears that the word theirs is not the correct form of the possessive pronoun. Consider changing it.

show examples
sofas
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
their whole
time
.
Secondly
, some parents who have busy schedule are unable to devote their certain
time
to their offsprings and equip them with gadgets. They are less likely to involve in other outside activities and exploring
natural
Add an article
the natural

The noun phrase natural environment seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
environment.
This
leads to communication problems when
children
move out of their houses to socialise in schools, events and various functions because they lack confidence and do not know how to communicate as they spend their maximum
time
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
playing games and make animated characters their friends. In conclusion, modern technologies have some benefits
on
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
children
;
however
, I believe it requires much more surveillance and caution to operate the technology properly by
children
.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users