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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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With the increasing growth of technological advancements, some people argue that the main focus of study for university students should be on science and technology.
However
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, others believe that learners should follow their
passion
Use synonyms
 and concentrate on their favourite subjects, rather than on those that are required in modern society.
This
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 essay will explore both viewpoints and provide my opinion
at the end
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.
To begin
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 with, scientific and technological disciplines provide essential knowledge for successful jobs in the future. The reason for
this
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 is that modern devices and services need to be updated frequently, so those employees who possess innovative and creative skills are in high demand.
For example
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, in Russia, in Moscow, IT graduates can easily find a job in their industry
due to
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 a variety of companies specialising in telecommunication and computing fields. Despite
this
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, acquiring knowledge about topics individuals have
passion
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 for, holds more importance, as
this
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 can lead to better success in a future career. Students should follow their favourite learning areas to ensure their productive and content life after graduation.
Consequently
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,
passion
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 will allow them to go beyond their limits, becoming more creative and skilful.
Hence
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, enthusiasm and eagerness to improve are vital qualities for a successful organisation looking for passionate workers.
For instance
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, many well-known musicians were noticed by famous producers, even during street performances. One of these artists is Ed Sheeran who played music every week on the main road of his home town before he signed a well-renowned music label. In conclusion, even though formal subjects,
such
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 as science and technology are always required on the job market, I truly believe that love and
passion
Use synonyms
 lead to the discovery of hidden talents.
Moreover
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, a diverse range of subjects is necessary to support a well-rounded education, producing individuals with broad perspectives and critical thinking skills.

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, properly framing the issue at hand and summarizing the key points made. To improve further, consider adding a more definitive statement of your personal opinion in the introduction for greater clarity.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both viewpoints on the topic. However, there could be a stronger emphasis on stating your own opinion as the prompt requires a discussion and your personal stance. Including this early on and reinforcing it throughout would strengthen your task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is mostly well-organized, but there are opportunities to enhance transitions between ideas for a smoother flow. Consider using more varied and precise linking words and phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your main points with more in-depth analysis or additional supporting details. While your essay does provide some examples, such as the scenario in Moscow and Ed Sheeran's experience, consider supplementing these with further explanation or relevant statistics to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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