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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.
#show #migration #uk
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These
pie
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 depict the vital
reasons
Use synonyms
 for people to immigrate to the UK and the
emigration
Use synonyms
 from the united
kingdome
Correct your spelling
Kingdom
 in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were six different
reasons
Use synonyms
 for migration. It can be seen that the significant percentage in both
pie
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 was
difinte
Correct your spelling
definite
 jobs,
while
Linking Words
 the smallest proportion for
immigration
Use synonyms
 was no
reasons
Use synonyms
 stated, for
Use synonyms
emigration
Add a comma
,emigration
show examples
 the reason was formal study.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the ratio of definite
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 on
immigration
Use synonyms
 was 30%,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
show examples
 in the
Use synonyms
emigration
Add a comma
,emigration
show examples
 the percentage was 29%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
second
Linking Words
 motive which
is accompany
Change the verb form
accompanies
show examples
/
join
Wrong verb form
joining
show examples
 the percentage was almost the same in both
pie
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
 accounting for 15% to 13%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a massive different number that
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 some
reasons
Use synonyms
 in the
pie
Use synonyms
 chart. The formal study proportion was about a quarter
im
Correct your spelling
in
immigration
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
emigration
Use synonyms
 for the same
reasons
Use synonyms
 was a tiny fraction. Looking for
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 and no reason stated had
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 pattern which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 in the
immigration
Use synonyms
pie
Use synonyms
 was 12% and 6% but in
emigration
Use synonyms
 was 22% and 18% respectively.
Also
Linking Words
, the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other had shown
slight
Change the word
slightly
show examples
 different
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
 in both
pie
Use synonyms
charts
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nortalsahli on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, charts, reasons, emigration, immigration with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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