Some educational systems make students study specialised subjects from the age of fifteen while others require students to study a wide range. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some schools prefer
students
to
study
a wide variety of
subjects
after the
age
of
fifteen
whilst others have a contrasting viewpoint, they consider that they should
study
those
subjects
in which they want to settle their career.
Although
knowledge
of every subject is vital, I believe because they have already studied these till the
age
of
fifteen
so it is not crucial to continue it
further
. On the one side, other
subjects
provide basic
knowledge
which is vital for daily
life
. While purchasing something, people need to check the prices of products. They have to examine
that
Remove the determiner
apply

The word that may be unnecessary in this context. Consider removing it.

show examples
whether the billing of the goods
are
Change the verb form
is

The plural verb are does not appear to agree with the singular subject billing. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
made correctly.
Further
, it is
must
Correct article usage
a must

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
to test if they are not overcharged for anything.
These basic awareness
Change the determiner
This basic awareness

It appears that the plural demonstrative These is modifying the singular noun awareness. Consider using a singular demonstrative or a plural noun instead.

show examples
is
must
Add an article
a must

The noun phrase must seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
and taught by other
subjects
.
For example
, Mathematics is the subject
which
Correct pronoun usage
that

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
teaches how to make
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
calculations,
this
is required to be known by the common people. If
this
common
knowledge
is not shared
to
Change preposition
with

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples
teenage
students
, they will face
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges

The word challanges is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

in their
life
. On the other side, these basic
subjects
are already taught in primary schools. Now after the
age
of
fifteen
,
students
have to choose what they prefer to proceed in
life
as their profession.
In addition
, which
subjects
are required to be learnt for
this
. Rudimentary education is already provided to them,
this
is the
age
of acquiring professional
knowledge
. If
this
is not gained, they may not achieve success in
life
.
More
Add an article
The more

The noun phrase More focused study seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
focused
study
will save their
time
and efforts. Their
time
will be utilised in productive tasks only.
For example
, a recent survey state that if
focused
Add an article
the focused
a focused

The noun phrase focused study seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
study
is motivated in
teritary
Correct your spelling
tertiary

The word teritary is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and senior secondary school, half of the
time
of the
students
will be saved.
Therefore
, focusing on the
subjects
they prefer to excel their
carrer
Correct your spelling
career

The word carrer is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

in will save their
time
because basic education of all the
subjects
is already provided to them in previous classes. In conclusion,
knowledge
of all the
subjects
is paramount to ease the daily
life
but to excel in a
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
carrier

The word carrer is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

focused education is
must
Add an article
a must

The noun phrase must seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
. In my perspectives, after
fifteen
aim should be on the selective
subjects
only.
Submitted by Priya on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Check your IELTS essays
Instantly see mistakes you've made and learn how to avoid them.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Improve your writing score in 2 weeks
Get 60% discount and enjoy a quick and easy way to check IELTS Writing Task 1&2!