IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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In
this
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 era of advancement in medical technology, numerous
people
Use synonyms
 are living
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
longer than before,
hence
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 many of them
thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that the retirement
age
Use synonyms
 must be escalated
resaonably
Correct your spelling
reasonably
.
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However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 in
this
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 essay, I would like to explain the advantageous points in support of my
opnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 that; Yes the person must be given more years to work.
Firstly
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, as the living standard, air quality and medical
facilites
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facilities
 are proliferating in a
benificial
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beneficial
 way, the life span of an individual has been
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
, so as the older
age
Use synonyms
 duration. The negative aspect of
this
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 is
mashrooming
Correct your spelling
mushrooming
 depression in jobless old
age
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, the work would
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 keep them busy, abate the mental anxiety and
emptness
Correct your spelling
emptiness
 of mind
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then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 social circle in their lives.
This
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 will be a great help for them to cope up,
hence
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 considered positively.
Secondly
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, a number of senior citizens, in their later stage of lives, becomes
finantially
Correct your spelling
financially
 poor and unable to fulfil their day to day
expences
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expenses
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of
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this
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,this
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 they are bound to depend on their children or
care taker
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caretaker
show examples
 and maximally exposed to mental as well as physical exploitation. To lessen the impact of these factors elderly
people
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 must be allowed to work beyond their retirement
age
Use synonyms
,
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moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 they should be supported by giving light and smooth job as per their physical capability.
Lastly
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, to conclude, I would like to say that the advantages of enhancing
Correct your spelling
retirement
retierment
Correct article usage
the retierment
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 are several and absolutely supportive
to
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
 the old
people
Use synonyms
. They may find, financial freedom, new friends of their
age
Use synonyms
 and
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
 how they can set up a support group for themselves, which will be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital aspect for their beings. Their minds will be nourished by providing them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 opportunity to think that they are still useful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Hence
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 I strongly support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the statement, that
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of retirement should be
streched
Correct your spelling
stretched
furthermore
Linking Words
.
Submitted by drvaishalikhare on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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