IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The population of most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problems does overpopulation in cities cause? How can these problems be solved.

Many opportunities and
opening
Fix the agreement mistake
openings
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 of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban places are available and most of the
people
Use synonyms
 migrate and the population are increasing. There are two reasons that cause problems in many cities
due to
Linking Words
 overpopulation.
Traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion and
pollution
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, the government should take action by providing more public transportation and railways and proper implementation of throwing
garbages
Correct subject-verb agreement
garbage
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
nowaday's
Change noun form
nowadays
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 will prefer to go to an urban
area
Use synonyms
 to find a job.
However
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 think the same way.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the Philippines, Metro Manila is the capital
city
Use synonyms
 which has more than 11 million
people
Use synonyms
 and the
area
Use synonyms
 is small
that
Correct word choice
apply
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most likely 100 thousand
people
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 per square
meters
Fix the agreement mistake
meter
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 since there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of human
being
Replace the word
beings
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there
Rephrase
apply
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many cars are running which source
traffic
Use synonyms
 in the
city
Use synonyms
. In fact, more than three hours of waiting before you can get through
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam.
This
Linking Words
 situation must be addressed
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the government
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 will take action by providing public transportation like trains and buses. It will help society to travel fast and
comfortable
Change the word
comfortably
show examples
while
Linking Words
 going to or coming back from work. Another thing is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
Use synonyms
, as many
people
Use synonyms
 in the
area
Use synonyms
, plastic is
also
Linking Words
 used by many. That could lead to flooding on the highway or even in small houses.
For example
Linking Words
, for the community who live in the
city
Use synonyms
, if 100 thousand used plastic every day without proper segregation it could originate floods and
pollution
Use synonyms
 in our environment. The officials must implement the proper throwing of
garbages
Correct subject-verb agreement
garbage
show examples
 and collection.
This
Linking Words
 could not cause another problem
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the overpopulated
city
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, many young adults wanted to live in the
city
Use synonyms
 which contributed to the population of the
area
Use synonyms
 because of the job offer and new
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, problems
such
Linking Words
 as
traffic
Use synonyms
 and
pollution
Use synonyms
 are the
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
overpopulated
Correct article usage
an overpopulated
show examples
city
Use synonyms
.

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example
Elaborate on the examples by giving more specific details and reasoning to support your main points.
task response
While the essay addresses the main problems of traffic congestion and pollution, consider adding more varied problems that cities face due to overpopulation and offer more detailed solutions.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence variety and clarity by breaking down long sentences and using conjunctions effectively.
task response
You have clearly identified major issues such as traffic and pollution linked to urban overpopulation, showing a good grasp of the topic.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your response effectively.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urbanization
  • strain on resources
  • property prices
  • traffic congestion
  • public services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • sanitation
  • unemployment rates
  • competition
  • green spaces
  • recreational areas
  • infrastructure
  • quality of life
  • mental health
What to do next:
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