IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People nowadays are more interested in technology rather than their physical fitness .to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 modern world,
technology
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 is so important that
people
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 can not survive without it and today pupil gives much preference to
technology
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 rather than to spent some time on their physical fitness. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, as we know every individual is so busy in his life that they totally forgot about their health and because of
technology
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 like mobile phone, computers or surfing on the internet, that makes
people
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's busy schedule and a heavy load of work so they cannot give extra time for daily routine exercises or any physical activities
such
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 as gym, cardio or jogging etcetera.
Moreover
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, humans are showing their interest in technologies so much that now they are dating online or even some pupil doing marriage or engagement on online, who lives in another country or they cannot go back to their country they doing by the internet.
Furthermore
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, due to the covid-19 situation,
people
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 cannot go to the gyms because of stay at home orders by the government and
that is
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also
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 one of the reasons that
people
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 more like
technology
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 because the covid-19 makes humans lazier
for instance
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, during the lockdown period,
people
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 just stayed at home with their families and watch tv shows and using mobiles all the time that makes them more dependent to use
technology
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. In the end,
people
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 should avoid
technology
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 and start the workout.
Moreover
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, the government should have to motivate their community
people
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 to less use
technology
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 and focus on their health.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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