IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

It is better for companies to help their workers feel happy at work rather than put lots of pressure on them for the sake of profit. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is common knowledge that workplace satisfaction is crucial for both
employees
Use synonyms
 and employers. Some argue that
companies
Use synonyms
 should prioritize making their workers happy rather than exerting excessive
pressure
Use synonyms
 for profit maximization. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint. One of the major reasons for supporting employee happiness over profit
pressure
Use synonyms
 is that content workers are more productive.
This
Linking Words
 means that when
employees
Use synonyms
 are satisfied, they are more inclined to be involved with their tasks and responsibilities, leading to better performance.
For instance
Linking Words
,
companies
Use synonyms
 like Google and Apple are known for providing a wide range of services and benefits to their
employees
Use synonyms
, which in turn, boosts morale and productivity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, by creating a supportive and enjoyable work environment, these
companies
Use synonyms
 persuade their
employees
Use synonyms
 to excel in their roles without the need for excessive
pressure
Use synonyms
. Another significant reason is the long-term benefits of a happy workforce.
In other words
Linking Words
, when
employees
Use synonyms
 are not subjected to undue stress, they are less likely to experience burnout and are more likely to stay with the company longer.
As a result
Linking Words
,
companies
Use synonyms
 save on recruitment and training costs
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and maintain a stable, experienced workforce.
Consequently
Linking Words
, exaggerating the
pressure
Use synonyms
 for the sake of profit can lead to high turnover rates and a negative work atmosphere, which ultimately hinders the company's success.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that prioritizing employee happiness over excessive profit-driven
pressure
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for
companies
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, happy workers are more productive and loyal, which portrays a positive image of the company and contributes to its long-term success.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
companies
Use synonyms
 should focus on creating a supportive and enjoyable work environment to reap these benefits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider expanding your introduction to better outline what will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Use additional specific examples from a variety of companies or industries to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas effectively communicated throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, and well-supported main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: