IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Influence of human beings on worlds ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of biodiversity. what are the primary causes of the loss of biodiversity? what solutions can you suggest?

#influence #beings #worlds #ecosystem #extinction #species #loss #biodiversity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is clear that human beings make a big impact on the
planet
Use synonyms
 itself and the world’s ecosystem. The people’s will to make the
planet
Use synonyms
 same and comfortable place leads to the continuous extinction of certain
species
Use synonyms
 and
as a result
Linking Words
 the bio-diversity constantly. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will explain the major factors which preceded the current condition in
world’s
Correct article usage
the world’s
show examples
 ecosystem as well as suggest several steps which can lead to
amelioration
Correct article usage
the amelioration
show examples
 of the situation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the human being has always been a complex process
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 has arisen
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago. Alongside with emergence and prosperity of humans, the diversity of other biological
species
Use synonyms
 constantly decreased. The are superalloys explanations for
this
Linking Words
:
firstly
Linking Words
, in the ancient
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 humans were hunting on weaker
species
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 way, extinction is not a modern problem
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 has arisen together with the birth of humanity.
However
Linking Words
although
Linking Words
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ancient time hunting was used more for practical objectives, nowadays the amount of people hunting on other
species
Use synonyms
 as
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
entertainment has rapidly increased. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the current situation can be improved by accepting the fact that we are not the only
species
Use synonyms
 on the Earth and other
species
Use synonyms
 have the same right to live alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
us. I strongly agree that the key to solving all problems is in the mindset and in order to prevail on the problem, we have to respect each creature who lives on the same
planet
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 us. I believe that there is a correlation between changing the mindset and old schemas to the new beliefs which suggest supporting the bio-diversity and keeping
Use synonyms
planet
Add an article
the planet
show examples
 as well as all its population save. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 there a
visible
Change the adjective
visibly
show examples
 negative impact of human beings on
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 ecosystem and extinction of
species
Use synonyms
, it is in our power to make a comprehensive change to the
further
Linking Words
 history of the
planet
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by veronika-glinka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: