IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people live in towns and cities where there are museums that promote historical and artistic objects of cultural importance, but they don't visit them. Why do you think many people don't visit museums? What is the cultural importance of museums to society?

#people #towns #cities #museums #objects #importance #visit #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days most of the denizens live in town and cities where there is an art gallery that promotes the historical and artistic object of cultural importance but they do not
visit
Use synonyms
 them. There are several reasons and I elucidate my viewpoints in my upcoming paragraphs
To begin
Linking Words
 with , there are
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 reasons
as to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
why netizens do not
visit
Use synonyms
 the
museum
Use synonyms
. The
first
Linking Words
 and
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
foremost reason is that in the modern ,era
people
Use synonyms
 do not have time to
visit
Use synonyms
 there because of a busy schedule .
People
Use synonyms
 are busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their own work and jobs.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 art gallery has entry fees . Poor
people
Use synonyms
 can not afford entry fees
that is
Linking Words
 why they do not
visit
Use synonyms
 there.
However
Linking Words
, these
Use synonyms
museum
Change the determiner
museums
show examples
 are very important for
people
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 learn about our culture and history through
these art gallery
Change the determiner
this art gallery
these art galleries
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 grabe
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of knowledge from
Use synonyms
museum
Add an article
the museum
a museum
show examples
.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 denizens should take their children to
these
Change the determiner
this museum
these museums
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
. In modern era children do not know about their tradition and culture, they should go there and learn our tradition . It is very important and when
people
Use synonyms
 go there they feel relax and
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
. To recapitulate , the
museum
Use synonyms
 plays an important role but theses days denizens do not have time to
visit
Use synonyms
 there . According to my perspective, they should
visit
Use synonyms
 there and
grabe
Correct your spelling
grab
 a lot of knowledge regarding their culture.
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: