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Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

#people #behavior #sportsmen #field #players
It is proposed by a few individuals that if the sportspersons are performing well on the
field
, their
behaviour
 in private life hardly matters. I fully disagree with
this
 notion because of the disparity that arises
due to
such
 a practice.
To begin
 with, the first and foremost reason in
this
 context is that any kind of activity off the
field
 of sportsmen is followed by their fans blindly.
This
 is primarily
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a fact that
such
 imitation proves detrimental for common people in case of certain situations. To illustrate, many youngsters all around the world have been rendered drug addicts in an attempt to copy the lifestyle of their favourite players.
Thus
,
this
 makes it obvious that sportsmen
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to behave responsibly in public so that their followers can imitate them in a positive manner. To fortify
further
, yet another aspect in
this
 regard is that behaving poorly in personal life may
also
 affect the game of a professional player. It is generally observed that once they misbehave
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public places, they easily get the attention of the media and
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
result
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, they are unable to perform amicably on the
field
 because of embarrassment.
This
 is especially true in the case of a famous football player Wayne Rooney, who was once caught at a bar fighting with peers,
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
have
Verb problem
was
show examples
 not able to play well in at least 3 of his games in 2017.In fact, after a few ,months he had to apologize to his fans in order to get rid of the strain.
Therefore
, acting irresponsibly would bring problems for their own game, thereby proving it to be a bad idea.
Apart from
this
, a negative attitude off the
field
 might
also
 cost the sportsmen their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
In other words
, in the wake of unacceptable
behaviour
 in public, sportspersons not only get sacked from their teams but
also
 lose the sponsorship of advertisement companies from where they earn a lot of income. A case in point is that
last
 year two Indian cricket players lost all of their contracts with the sponsors
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
well
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 suspended from the team for 2 years in the view of making inappropriate remarks during a television interview.
Hence
, poor
behaviour
 off the
field
 would pave
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 way for their dark future. In the gist of
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 contents, it can be concluded that it is
due to
 the good
behaviour
 of a sportsperson in private life that he can maintain his career
as well as
 become a role model for his fans.
Submitted by harkiratsingh.tu on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a more diverse range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Work on using varied cohesive devices to enhance readability.
task achievement
Provide further deep analysis of some examples and expand on explanations. This will provide more clarity and depth to your arguments.
task achievement
The essay comprehensively addresses the topic, exploring multiple reasons to support the stance taken.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the point of view, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments presented.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples to support the main points is effective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • media-driven
  • publicized
  • public opinion
  • societal norms
  • brand representation
  • sponsors
  • inappropriate behavior
  • team dynamics
  • morale
  • personal accountability
  • public image
  • career and legacy
  • off-field behavior
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