IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a common opinion nowadays that the behaviour of professional athletes outside the playground does not matter if they are performing great on the field. Even though some people favour
this
Linking Words
 idea, there is a tremendous part of society that does not support the notion. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss and provide reasons why I completely disagree with
such
Linking Words
belief
Correct article usage
a belief
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the main ground for my opinion is that great sportsmen
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
generally
influencing
Wrong verb form
influence
show examples
 and
inspiring
Wrong verb form
inspire
show examples
 huge population masses starting from the youth
ending
Correct word choice
and ending
show examples
 with the elderly.
For example
Linking Words
, famous football players are known for their charity work. These individuals are of great benefit to society as they often visit kids with severe health conditions,
such
Linking Words
 as cancer,
thus
Linking Words
 encouraging them to fight for their lives.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, players like Messi and Ronaldo have demonstrated tremendous effort in encouraging youth football players to stick with the hobby and develop
further
Linking Words
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, being a nice person outside the game is crucial for the player’s career development as it attracts various companies who would like
to conclude
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
promotion contracts with the athletes for advertisement purposes.
For instance
Linking Words
, a famous tennis player Maria Sharapova has drawn business entities begging her to advertise their products.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 income has allowed
establishing
Wrong verb form
establish
show examples
 a brand of her own. Upon completion of the athletic career,
this
Linking Words
 will be a solid base for income. In conclusion, despite others
think
Wrong verb form
thinking
show examples
 that lifestyle outside the field is insignificant, I strongly disagree with their point. In my view encouraging society, stimulating sports development and
investment
Replace the word
investing
show examples
 in future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 are of tremendous importance for sportsmen across the world.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each main idea is discussed thoroughly in separate paragraphs. Your points are clear but sometimes explanations could be more detailed.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task and is well-organized. However, there are occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Proofread to minimize such issues.
task achievement
Consider expanding your ideas further to deeply explore your arguments. This can help in providing a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets out your position on the topic.
task achievement
The examples provided are specific and relevant to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • role model
  • media-driven
  • publicized
  • public opinion
  • societal norms
  • brand representation
  • sponsors
  • inappropriate behavior
  • team dynamics
  • morale
  • personal accountability
  • public image
  • career and legacy
  • off-field behavior
What to do next:
Look at other essays: