Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?
It is a common opinion nowadays that the behaviour of professional athletes outside the playground does not matter if they are performing great on the field. Even though some people favour
this
idea, there is a tremendous part of society that does not support the notion. In this
essay, I will discuss and provide reasons why I completely disagree with such
belief
.
Correct article usage
a belief
Firstly
, the main ground for my opinion is that great sportsmen are
generally Verb problem
apply
influencing
and Wrong verb form
influence
inspiring
huge population masses starting from the youth Wrong verb form
inspire
ending
with the elderly. Correct word choice
and ending
For example
, famous football players are known for their charity work. These individuals are of great benefit to society as they often visit kids with severe health conditions, such
as cancer, thus
encouraging them to fight for their lives. Furthermore
, players like Messi and Ronaldo have demonstrated tremendous effort in encouraging youth football players to stick with the hobby and develop further
.
Secondly
, being a nice person outside the game is crucial for the player’s career development as it attracts various companies who would like to conclude
the
promotion contracts with the athletes for advertisement purposes. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, a famous tennis player Maria Sharapova has drawn business entities begging her to advertise their products. Moreover
, such
income has allowed establishing
a brand of her own. Upon completion of the athletic career, Wrong verb form
establish
this
will be a solid base for income.
In conclusion, despite others think
that lifestyle outside the field is insignificant, I strongly disagree with their point. In my view encouraging society, stimulating sports development and Wrong verb form
thinking
investment
in future Replace the word
investing
career
are of tremendous importance for sportsmen across the world.Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each main idea is discussed thoroughly in separate paragraphs. Your points are clear but sometimes explanations could be more detailed.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task and is well-organized. However, there are occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Proofread to minimize such issues.
task achievement
Consider expanding your ideas further to deeply explore your arguments. This can help in providing a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets out your position on the topic.
task achievement
The examples provided are specific and relevant to the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your stance and main points.