Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone’ life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#part #everyone’ #life #people #lives

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There are some who argue that

Use synonyms

cannot be avoided and that it brings a positive impact on our life. I partially agree that it brings benefits;

however

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, it can

also

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create financial problems.

Firstly

Linking Words

Use synonyms

creates revenue, especially

that

Correct word choice

since

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it invites customers to buy certain products from a company. The industry of

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gives job opportunities

Change preposition

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various fields.

Additionally

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, it informs consumers of the products that are being sold.

Therefore

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, minimizing the time they need to decide on what item to get.

For instance

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, research has revealed that radio

announcement

Fix the agreement mistake

announcements

show examples

swayed

Wrong verb form

sway

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the decision of dog owners on what kibble they will pick and it saves them precious time.

However

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, it increases the risk of impulse buying. Those who work in the

Use synonyms

industry

knows

Correct subject-verb agreement

know

show examples

very well how to exploit the Dopamine rush that consumers feel when they see something new. People who cannot control themselves, often end up buying unnecessary lucrative belongings

such

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as a mobile phone. After buying

the

Correct article usage

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product that they did not properly plan,

Add an article

the

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feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

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of regret and depression

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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felt.

Consequently

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, in order to feel happy ,again they will engage themselves in another streak of impulse buying.

For example

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, a survey conducted by a group of students who studied at Harvard found out that more than 80% of young adults who bought newly released

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

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did not think about the financial consequences that it brings and they

end

Wrong verb form

ended

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up having huge credits.

To conclude

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Use synonyms

Replace the word

advertising

show examples

has a good impact on the company, especially

that

Correct word choice

because

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it provides jobs.

Additionally

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, it helps people to decide

quicker

Replace the word

quickly

show examples

However

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, it increases instances of impulse buying which is destructive if not controlled.

Submitted by justinedanillee on Tue Mar 02 2021

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear position and generally supports it well. However, to make your argument stronger, provide more diverse examples and elaborate on both sides in more detail. Additionally, try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'end up having huge credits,' to enhance readability and professionalism.

coherence cohesion

While your logical structure is effective, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Transitions between points can be improved to create a more cohesive argument. You might want to use linking words and phrases more extensively to improve the overall cohesion of your essay.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay topic well, providing a good starting point for your discussion.

relevant specific examples

You offer relevant specific examples, such as the study on dog owners influenced by radio advertisements and the survey on young adults and mobile phone purchases. This helps in making your points more convincing.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

informative
engages
creative
art form
consumerism
materialism
misleading
exaggerating
vulnerable
unrealistic
body image expectations
competitive
economical
targeted ads
personalized ads
intrusive

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Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone’ life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many young people nowadays choose to remain unmarried. Why are people doing this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people get into debt by buying thing they do not need and cannot afford. What is the reason for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?