Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone’ life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are some who argue that
advertisement
cannot be avoided and that it brings a positive impact on our life. I partially agree that it brings benefits; however
, it can also
create financial problems.
Firstly
, advertisement
creates revenue, especially that
it invites customers to buy certain products from a company. The industry of Correct word choice
since
advertisement
gives job opportunities to
various fields. Change preposition
in
Additionally
, it informs consumers of the products that are being sold. Therefore
, minimizing the time they need to decide on what item to get. For instance
, research has revealed that radio announcement
Fix the agreement mistake
announcements
swayed
the decision of dog owners on what kibble they will pick and it saves them precious time.
Wrong verb form
sway
However
, it increases the risk of impulse buying. Those who work in the advertisement
industry knows
very well how to exploit the Dopamine rush that consumers feel when they see something new. People who cannot control themselves, often end up buying unnecessary lucrative belongings Correct subject-verb agreement
know
such
as a mobile phone. After buying the
product that they did not properly plan,Correct article usage
a
Add an article
the
a
feeling
of regret and depression Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
is
felt. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
Consequently
, in order to feel happy ,again they will engage themselves in another streak of impulse buying. For example
, a survey conducted by a group of students who studied at Harvard found out that more than 80% of young adults who bought newly released phone
did not think about the financial consequences that it brings and they Fix the agreement mistake
phones
end
up having huge credits.
Wrong verb form
ended
To conclude
, advertisement
has a good impact on the company, especially Replace the word
advertising
that
it provides jobs. Correct word choice
because
Additionally
, it helps people to decide quicker
. Replace the word
quickly
However
, it increases instances of impulse buying which is destructive if not controlled.Submitted by justinedanillee on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and generally supports it well. However, to make your argument stronger, provide more diverse examples and elaborate on both sides in more detail. Additionally, try to avoid minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'end up having huge credits,' to enhance readability and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
While your logical structure is effective, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Transitions between points can be improved to create a more cohesive argument. You might want to use linking words and phrases more extensively to improve the overall cohesion of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and sets up the essay topic well, providing a good starting point for your discussion.
relevant specific examples
You offer relevant specific examples, such as the study on dog owners influenced by radio advertisements and the survey on young adults and mobile phone purchases. This helps in making your points more convincing.
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