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Writing Samples
Band 5

n Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?

#n #britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
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It is becoming a trend in the United Kindom and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western countries, Senior citizens are being sent to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
age
Use synonyms
 homes where the
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 professionals
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 to the individuals whilst the governing body of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 have to spend a significant amount
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
such
Linking Words
 amenities.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that
this
Linking Words
 might be
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 ultra-challenging situation for the
families
Use synonyms
 of senior citizens but it is the only place that can make them feel loved and psychologically
stress free
Add a hyphen
stress-free
show examples
 as well as reduce the burden for the leadership. There are two vital factors why
families
Use synonyms
 have to support their elders.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old-
age
Use synonyms
 home people are extremely despondent as they feel lonely without their
families
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the seniors will be feel abandoned as it will affect them psychologically . There have been incidents recorded that in some of the countries
such
Linking Words
 as India and
japan
Change the capitalization
Japan
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, people over 65 years live with their
families
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 and
grand- children
Correct your spelling
grand-children
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of old
age
Use synonyms
 shelters which increase their
age
Use synonyms
considerablly
Correct your spelling
considerably
 due to negligible psychological stress.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
families
Use synonyms
 should aid and abet their senior member as it will
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 being a
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 family.
Additionally
Linking Words
, The Governments in
such
Linking Words
 countries are already paying for the medical and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 of all
age
Use synonyms
 groups including senior members. Old
age
Use synonyms
 home and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 requires a significant amount of funding and are owned by the private sectors.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a large segment of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 private old
age
Use synonyms
 home for their predecessors which make expansive bills for the government as these are included in Medicare and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 benefits. To exemplify, blah blah blah.
Therefore
Linking Words
, expecting to pay for old
age
Use synonyms
 homes along with medicare will be
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 on
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 of the government. To conclude,
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my perspective,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
families
Use synonyms
 should provide
care
Use synonyms
 to their old members. I firmly suggest that for the well being of
grand parents
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
 there should be support from
household
Correct article usage
the household
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by ralh.50cent on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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