IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy ? What other things in life can make people happy ?

#people #life #money
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A few individuals say the main path to be cheerful in
life
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 is to have plenty of funds.
This
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 essay states that having a lot of money can improve
people
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 lifestyle, and
entertainment
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 can make them happy. Enough money makes
people
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 delighted because it improves their way of
life
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.
That is
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 to say that they do not have to worry about necessities
such
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 as food, clothing, shelter but
also
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 reduces financial burdens
such
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 as loans and mortgages.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 gives them the chance to fulfil their dreams by purchasing luxurious things which they have only dreamed of.
For example
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, The University of New Zealand recently stated that
people
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 who have more cash are twice happier than other
people
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 because they can satisfy their dreams by purchasing material possession. Apart from money,
entertainment
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such
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 as watching television can make
people
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 happy.
In other words
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,
people
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 prefer movies and music because it not only brings happiness and joy to
life
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 but
also
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 reduces stress.
Furthermore
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, working individuals hardly get spare time for their family members because of their employment and,
as a result
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,
entertainment
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 gives them a chance to spend quality time with their parents and loved ones.
For instance
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, due to a lack of funds to socialise, many
people
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 in India prefer watching television as a source of
entertainment
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 because it makes them cheerful. In conclusion, having sufficient cash makes human beings cheerful because it improves their way of
life
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, and apart from funds, and
entertainment
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 plays a significant role in making an individual's
life
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 happy.
Submitted by IELTS on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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