IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#group #students #classroom #home
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is an argument that it is better to study with classmates in a classroom rather than learn online at
home
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Studying in a classroom with a group of
students
Use synonyms
 has the obvious advantage that
students
Use synonyms
 can have full discussions with their classmates.
For example
Linking Words
, if the teacher gives difficult homework, the
students
Use synonyms
 could discuss the solutions in the breaks.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is beneficial for the teacher to see the
students
Use synonyms
' reactions or if they pay attention,
such
Linking Words
 as someone looking outside or doing other unrelated things.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the teachers can ensure the kids are really studying at school if their parents are busy at work.
That is
Linking Words
, parents usually worry about whether their children are studying, or doing nothing if they stay at
home
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking online classes does not need to be constrained by the time and the distance.
Students
Use synonyms
 do not need to take time to transport from
home
Use synonyms
 to school.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if one is under the weather, he could learn online and not have to skip classes.
However
Linking Words
, it is quite inconvenient to have discussions with friends
due to
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 not meeting each other face to face. Yet another reason is laziness, it is an uphill battle to sit in front of the computer all day, some might want to stay in bed, and fall asleep in the class quickly.
Although
Linking Words
 taking online classes at
home
Use synonyms
 is better for ill
students
Use synonyms
 or one has to transport much time between
home
Use synonyms
 and school, I still believe that learning with a group of
students
Use synonyms
 has more advantages than learning at
home
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by annlin900116 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that it is fully developed with specific examples or further explanation. Some paragraphs seem to need further elaboration or more clear-cut examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on expanding the introduction and conclusion to better encapsulate the topic and summarise the main points. While they are present and provide some guidance, they can be more explicit in referencing back to the main body of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a greater variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, be sure to address the prompt fully by discussing both sides of the argument and ensuring personal opinion is clear extended.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Collaborative learning
  • Debate
  • Discipline
  • Engagement
  • Feedback loop
  • Peer support
  • Educational resources
  • Adaptive learning
  • Self-motivation
  • Independent study
  • Digital literacy
  • Virtual classroom
  • Accessibility
  • E-learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: