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Band 6

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
There are people
stays
Correct pronoun usage
who stays
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at
Change preposition
in
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 the same careers for the whole life, while others think that working in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 organization will make more benefits. It is a tendency to believe that working in the same workplace can prove the loyalty of the employees and it might easy to get promoted.
However
, I believed that changing the organization for work can challenge our improvement as well. No one can deny the fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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organizations need
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loyalty
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their workers. There are many work systems that promote
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher positions to their employees based on their working period in that company.
For example
,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 organizations
such
 as football or rugby mostly promote the oldest athlete to be the captain of the team because he might have more experiences that the younger one.
On the other hand
, working in various organizations can make benefits for
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
individual improvements.
For instance
, moving
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
careers to work in many companies can improve the skills of collaborations and communications.
Moreover
, their might increase the experiences and visions in works unlikely to repeat the same works all the time. In conclusion, there are several benefits and drawbacks between working in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 jobs all their life and working in different jobs.
Nevertheless
, working in certain careers should concern
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual preferences and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 environment in that workplaces. In my opinion, I do not hesitate
myself
Delete the pronoun
apply
show examples
to restrict
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 only one career. I love to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs that will suit my personal lifestyle.
Submitted by noppapat_k on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
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