IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many working people get little or exercise either during working day or in their free time, and have health problems as well. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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It is generally observed nowadays that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
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health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues are very common in the professionals
who
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whom
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 do
nott
Correct your spelling
not
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 take part in physical activity during their working days or even in their
lesiure
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leisure
time
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. There can be multiple reasons for
this
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 matter,
however
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, in my point of view, the major reason can be
ignorance
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ignorant
show examples
 about their own
health
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. The most valuable solution for
this
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 matter is awareness.
This
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 essay will explain
this
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 in detail.
To begin
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 with,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of working people focus on their goal
acheivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
achievement
. They spend most of their
time
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 keep
theirselvses
Correct your spelling
themselves
 busy in doing hard work, to meet the deadlines and they forget about the
health
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that is
Linking Words
also
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 their responsibility to take care of it.
This
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 can might be due to multiple factors including, lack of
time
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, lack of awareness,
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 stress, household and family responsibilities and much more.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey published in The
Health
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 magazine recently
,
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apply
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 revealed that about 70 per cent of working individuals do not get regular exercise because they give more preference to completion of tasks rather than concentrating on their physical
health
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. In my opinion, the best solution for
this
Linking Words
 issue is to keep professionals motivated regarding the importance of their own
health
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 by mean of some
health
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 activity programmes at company levels or even at
national
Add an article
the national
a national
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 level.
For instance
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, a widely appreciated programme has been
introdued
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introduced
 by
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
 government for
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last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 5 years, which is " Fitness 30 -30". Under
this
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programme
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,programme
show examples
 different activities are organized
at
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in
show examples
 different parts of the cities
everyday
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every day
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,
throuhout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the country, in which working people do take part in physical activities along with their families. To conclude, there is no doubt that working individuals do not perform
exercise
Add an article
the exercise
an exercise
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 on regular basis due to
unavailablity
Correct your spelling
unavailability
availability
 of
time
Use synonyms
 or due to lack of
intrest
Correct your spelling
interest
 in their personal
health
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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,
in
Verify preposition usage
with
show examples
 respect to engage working individuals in exercise, motivation plays a vital role. It will be very
fruirtful
Correct your spelling
fruitful
 if we all could make
exerrcise
Correct your spelling
exercise
time
Use synonyms
 as
fun
Add an article
a fun
show examples
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by drhaleema on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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