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Band 4

Education and health care should be funded by the government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#education #health #care #government
It is often argued that the
government
 authorities should provide
health
 medical
facilities
 and learning provisions without any cost to the public.
While
this
 trend has some drawbacks, I believe that it would be very beneficial for human beings
as well as
 the
nation
 's growth.
To begin
 with, there are various effects that would come when the
government
 provides free
education
 and
health
 care, which would
be resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in a very bad way. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
facilities
 are very expensive these days, if these
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 free the public of any particular
nation
does
Verb problem
would
show examples
 not quit
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their harmful habits
such
 as they do not quit from their smoking or drinking habits which are harmful to their
health
.
Moreover
, if a vast amount of
money
will
Verb problem
is
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
health
 or schooling, the
government
 do not look at the
nation
 's development clearly.
For instance
, an article published by "Hindustan Times" showed that the
government
 of India allocates 60% of their economy to
health
 care and free
education
 which
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a negative impact on the cities of India. Despite some drawbacks of free
education
 or
health
 care, there are several positive sides to that phenomenon
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the individuals
as well as
 the country.
Firstly
, if all the schooling provisions
free
Add a missing verb
are free
show examples
, it would be very beneficial for those people who do not have enough
money
 to afford expenses for their
juvenile 's
Change noun form
juvenile
show examples
 studies, they would have a chance to secure their future.
Furthermore
, as youngsters are considered as a
nation
's backbone,
consequently
, they would help to increase the country 's economy by achieving their
desire
Replace the word
desired
show examples
 goals and
this
 thing
also
boast
Correct subject-verb agreement
boasts
show examples
 the literacy rate of the country.
Secondly
, in
this
 modern there are many kinds of critical diseases that are developed, which
costs
Wrong verb form
cost
show examples
 a very
higher
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 amount of
money
 to deal with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
consequently
, free medical
facilities
 would help poor or needy people to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 harmful diseases.
Therefore
, it is necessary for the authorities to give these kinds of
provision
Fix the agreement mistake
provisions
show examples
 to the whole society.
To conclude
,
although
this
 trend has some drawbacks for the nations
such
 as a large amount of
money
 for the
education
 and
health
 sector, I believe that
this
 phenomenon has several positive sides
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 human beings
such
 as free
education
 and good
health
facilities
.
Submitted by Khush Guraya  on

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt but lacks clear support for the opinion. The arguments are not well-developed and lack specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
Coherence & Cohesion: The essay has a somewhat logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion lack clarity and focus. The use of examples and transitions is limited, affecting the overall coherence of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental right
  • socioeconomic status
  • equal opportunities
  • financial burden
  • economically disadvantaged
  • public health expenditures
  • workforce
  • economic growth
  • waiting times
  • government budgets
  • financial constraints
  • higher taxes
  • reallocation
  • privatization
  • quality services
  • inequality
  • fulfill responsibility
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