IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases #development
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The current technology
systems
Use synonyms
 are increasingly being used to monitor the
act
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activities
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 of city-dwellers. In many cases, some
people
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 being monitored are unaware that
this
Linking Words
 is happening. It is a tendency to believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advance technology has led to the high quality of
security
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systems
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 and bring various benefits to the citizen.
However
Linking Words
, I believed that the disadvantages
from
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of
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 the monitoring
cameras
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 might outweigh the advantages in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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privacy. According to
this
Linking Words
 essay, there are certain
security
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systems
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 that use the
cameras
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 to monitor
people
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 in some specific areas for the safety rules.
For example
Linking Words
, the CCTV in the airport or the heat
cameras
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 in the immigration segments that need to monitor the
people
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behavior
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behaviour
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 or the luggage which may
contains
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contain
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 harmful stuff.
This
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 is a worldwide rule and everybody accept
this
Linking Words
 kind of monitor.
Thus
Linking Words
, the advance
security
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systems
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 need to be accepted by most of the citizen or it
need
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needs
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 to be globalized rules. From another point of view, there is
the
Correct article usage
a
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security
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 system that tracking
people
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 in the city through their cellphone or email.
For instance
Linking Words
, China is
well-known
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a well-known
the well-known
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 country that uses
the
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apply
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security
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systems
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 to track
the
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apply
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citizen’s personal information via their cellphone or
the
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apply
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identification number. In some stage of China using the
cameras
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 to record
the
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apply
show examples
people
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behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
; thereby the employers can ask the government for the video as
a primary evidence
Remove the article
primary evidence
a piece of primary evidence
a shred of primary evidence
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 to make a decision before they accept the employees.
This
Linking Words
 kind of monitoring is overwhelmed. The city-dwellers should have
right
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the right
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 to keep their own information, the privacy is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 basic human right for everyone. In conclusion, there are pros and cons of the
security
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systems
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 that can secure and harm
people
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 at the same time.
However
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, I think that the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 development are outweighed the advantages. I believe that monitor the
security
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 though the
people
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 conversation and action are the
systems
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 that should not
happens
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happen
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 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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democracy
Replace the word
democratic
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 society.
Submitted by noppapat_k on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Surveillance
  • 2. Monitoring
  • 3. Cell phone tracking
  • 4. Security cameras
  • 5. Public safety
  • 6. Law enforcement
  • 7. Privacy concerns
  • 8. Personal freedom
  • 9. Autonomous
  • 10. Breach of trust
  • 11. Misuse of information
  • 12. Institutional integrity
  • 13. Psychological impact
  • 14. Mental well-being
  • 15. Societal trust
  • 16. Paranoia
  • 17. Transparency
  • 18. Stringent regulations
  • 19. Criminal deterrence
  • 20. Apprehension of criminals
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