IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents believe that cell phones are harmful to children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#parents #cell #phones #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Cellphones are one of the greatest inventions of the 21st century which helps people to get connected. Even though some parents think that cellphones have no detrimental effects on children, others believe the contrary to it.
This
Linking Words
 essay would discuss both
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 and state my opinion on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, young individuals especially teenagers get addicted to
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
 and social media platforms faster than any other age groups which
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 them lose interest in academics and other social activities.
As a result
Linking Words
, it often affects their career by the time they realise it.
For instance
Linking Words
, according to the reports, more than 75% of the world's population have
facebook
Change the capitalization
Facebook
show examples
 and
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 account.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it could affect their eyesight and continous watching the screen would lead to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 red eyes and itching at a very early age.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 could help children at the time of an emergency. Many teenagers, especially girls, had escaped from bad situations with the help of these type of technologies.
For example
Linking Words
, according to the 2006 report, there was a drastic decrease in the number of child abuse cases in India which shows that the latest technologies
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 helped the new generation in many good ways.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 helped not only children but
also
Linking Words
 people in other age groups to get connected with people from different parts of the world through visually as well as through audio. To conclude, in my opinion,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of cell
phones
Use synonyms
 could affect the young generation badly rather than in an affirmative way. Parents have a crucial role in the upbringing of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents and should have
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
authority over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young individuals from keeping them away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technologies
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 a certain limit.
Submitted by Ashith on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: