IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#children #computers #age #hours
In recent years ,
children
 , like adults have become increasingly exposed to
computers
. While some child psychologists have claimed that it is a good thing, others have revealed that it has a detrimental impact on
children
. I am of the opinion that
children
 who are exposed to
computers
 frequently has a massive negative impact on
children
’ s concentration but it can not be denied that it has some positive aspects for their future workplace.
To begin
 with, there are
clearly
Change the adverb
clear
show examples
 reasons why
computers
 do not allow
children
 to develop
long
Replace the word
longer
show examples
 attention spans.
This
 is because
computer
 games have obtained many child-friendly games and these involve minimal levels of concentration in order to be enjoyed by them.
For instance
, The
university
Change the capitalization
University
show examples
 of Chicago found that
children
 who read from
picture
Add an article
a picture
show examples
 book were 50% less likely to get distracted than young people who played educational
computer
 plays.
Therefore
, attention levels can be spoiled and it affects their education life. Despite having some negative aspects, usage of
computers
 in childhood frequently aids them to adjust themselves fully to the technological developments in the workplace. Because they are in
learning
Add an article
the learning
show examples
 process , they learn quickly how to utilize
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology. To exemplify, The advertisement company of CCF administrations have conducted
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research about young workers’ efficiency and they claimed that 90% of youthful employees are predisposed to showing breakthroughs in the development of the website. They all said they spent a lot of time at the
computer
 when they were younger. That’s why it is evident that
computer
 exposure is beneficial to look at technological
progresses
Change the wording
progress
signs of progress
show examples
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different angles in the future business area.
Submitted by nilaycarsibasi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: